amazing fact #1
I once met this guy. We dated for a couple of months and then went our own ways. From that time foward, I have heard from him at an exact rythmic cycle which exactly coincides with my own *ahem* cycle. Sometimes I expect the call, but this last time, it was a suprise. About a month ago, I lost my day planner. Not that I'm at all faithful to keeping track, but I usually leave some kind of note that I can later use to figure out when I'm due for my monthly ,eh, purification?
For two weeks, I've been expecting it. Then I just figured I was gonna skip this month. But yesterday morning, without warning, he called. And three hours later, I started. And I would NEVER have predicted it. I showed absolutely no signs and have actually been a real angel to Chris the days right before. So my ex is like my biological clock, I guess.
stupid story #1
one day about a year ago, after I got home from work, I went home and noone was home.
So I went to the store to pick some stuff up for a quilt then came back and
the house was still empty. I took off my shoes, turned on the tv, prepared
to sew, and thought I'd feed the cats. I got them a glass of water and
the bag of food. When I walked out onto the front porch, the door closed
behind me and locked, but I didn't think too much of it.
When I walked around to the garage which I always leave open, it was locked too. I walked all over the house and nothing was open.
Two hours later, I got out from the back seat of my car. Even though I left my car doors locked, the window was down, so I had crawled in to sleep there. I REALLY had to pee. I had two sodas yesterday, which I never drink. Caffine makes me pee a lot. I thought of taking an old sheet we had in the garage, wrapping it around me and squatting i the yard, but I didn't want to get caught. But I knew, if I didn't find a place soon, my pants would suffice my bladder. So, I closed the garage door, found an old shoe box (while dancing around) put a wal-mart bag in it, wrapped the sheet around me in case someone came home in the middle of the act, and peed. AHHHHHHHHH!!! Sweet relief!
Then I had to dispose of the waste. So I poured it in the dirt outside and threw the box, bag, and towel I used for toilet paper in a big trash bag. An hour after that, my boyfriend came and then my brother who had a housekey.
stupid story #2
The one and only car accident I have ever been in.
I can't tell you who was driving, cause she'd kill me if people ever knew this is what happened. Let's just call this mysstery woman "mom". So, we had just come from grocery shopping at Safeway- back when we lived in VA. We were driving home along the same road we always took when it happened. We were already eating the cookies we had bought and she was struggling to eat these and drive when she requested to see the box of condoms she had just bought. As I rolled my eyes and prepared for my 90th "sex talk", I handed her the box. As far as accidents go, this was a really convenient one. She rear-ended a tow truck. You know, like rammed right into the hook that holds the car. Hee-hee. So when the trucker came to see if we were ok, she was sitting there, in shock, with a cookie in one hand, and a red condom in the other. A COOKIE AND A CONDOM!! Ha-ha!! She was SO embarassed as people began to rush to us to see if everyone was ok. Then, from the side of the road, someone yells, "Hi, Mrs-_______!" It was a friend of her daughter. Oh, this was funnie. It's a shame she taught me to drive.
fun facts
1. within a six month period, my head was pooped on twice
(2) by a bird. (No, I don't even own a bird)
2. when i was a kid i thought that the fat part of the
hand under the thumb was where babies were when you were pregnant.
3. I think piercings make guys extra-super-cute!
4. I didn't light a match until my freshman year of college. My junior year, I then
accidently set my room on fire.