journal archives

November 21, 2000
My poor Chris is sick. Today is the first day his mom has ever let him stay home from school in all 4 highschool years. He lost his voice. So I made him some hot tea. He had NEVER had hot tea before. His hands were really icky, too. Guys are stupid the way they would rather their hands crack and bleed because moiturizing is a "girl thing." Like, oh, gee, Chris doesn't want his hands to be all nasty and dry this winter so he must be gay. So, for the past 4 days, I've given him a thorough hand massage with lotion. His hands are looking so much better now. His cuticles are beginning to turn back to skin color rather than all pink and cracked.

I also had a weird dream about Tito Jackson. He had peed in the corner of a room, underneath the rug. So I was all like, ok, well I have to pee, too. So I lift up the carpet to pee there. I know it sounds gross. When I woke up I REALLY had to pee. I dream about going to the bathroom a lot cause I don't "go" in the middle of the night. I subconciously wait until morning. I can't even count all the dreams I've had about toilets.

Last night was probably also triggered by spending a couple of hours cleaning the utility room. The dog peed on EVERYTHING. I had to wash all the towels and the laundry detergent bottles. We let him out to go to the bathroom earlier, and the little terd walked off, lifted his leg for one second then came back in. He PRETENDED to pee. He's a really smart dog, and he only wanted to come in from the cold, but his negligence to pee that morning meant a lot more work for me when he finally did decide to pee.

At least my cat's perfect.

Today I recite my poem in Spanish class. I know it by heart, but I might fumble once I get up. I hope I get at least a C in that class. I am attending EVERY class next quarter, no matter what. No more sleeping in a building's lounge somewhere while lecture goes on without me. No more journal writing when I'm supposed to be at a review session. And, I will not miss labs to go shopping. Do you hear me, me? You will go to class!!

Ok. I have 10 minutes until I stand up in front of class to do the poem. I'm shaking. How stupid. It's only gonna take 2 minutes. Now get yourself together, Girl!

Parte Dos
Wow. That was easy. I got up in front of the class and had no problems.

Chris and I are gonna have so much fun tonight. We don't have anything tomorrow, so we're gonna stay up late. After bible study, we'll probably buy a pizza then watch a movie or hang out with some friends. He doesn't feel well, so we might just hang out at his apartment.

Hmm...I think tuition was due today. Crap. Crap-o-la.

Oh well. I'm gonna skip class now and go buy some more beads. I made a gorgeous necklace last night and I want to make 10 others like it just in case they sell.

November 20, 2000
Captain's Log: Stardate- 83*&2555##62
Had an icky dream. I was outside this white, two-story house and I walked in. The door was unlocked and there was noone in the foyer so I quickly ran out to the front yard. So I take a rotten orange and aim it over my shoulder to the house. I hit the second floor shutters which are closed over a window and a woman falls out onto the ground. She has long blonde hair, a long scarlet dress, and, oh yeah, no face!! It's all bloodied and I get all freaked. I'm also this kind of secret agent and I'm being chased by these four old men here in the Union.

They say you don't grow anymore after 18. But I've recently hit a growth spurt. Contained solely to one region. Lately, my butt seems bigger. It sounds stupid but I'm mostly writting this down to compare notes in 5 months. My pants just don't fit the same and nor do my underwear. No other growth or change has been noticed.

I'm skipping lecture right now, but I'm gonna make my 10:30am Poli Sci class.

I might go on a trip for Christmas break. With a girl I haven't seen since Graduation, June something, 1997. I don't even remember graduation date. I think it's funnie that it's such a mile stone in some people's mind, as a great accomplishment. I hope I never hit my peak so young. I don't want the rest of my life to be a down hill remenicent of that one day so many years ago. I want to have many accomplishments and not have my entire life to culminate in one thing. Unless I die right after.
It reminds me of that song by John Melloncamp (sp?), "Yeah, life goes on. Even after the thrill of living is gone." I don't think the thrill should ever be gone.

Hmmmm...ok, time for potty and class.

Parte Dos
Well. I got on the wrong campus bus. 25 minutes later, I'm back at the stop and catch the right one, finally. Except this time, within 5 minutes I realize that the entire bus is filled with this white smoke. This guy and I look at each other and at these white fumes which are leaking in through every crack and worn seal. Some people begin jumping off the bus. We wondered if we were about to blow up. Then another bus pulls up next to us and everyone rises at the same time and pushes their way out to guarantee a seat on the new bus. No one likes walking in the cold. By the time I got to lecture, I was about 30 minutes late.

November 19, 2000
We lost the game; people got drunk anyway. There were a bunch of arrests and about 150 dumpster fires. While all this was going on last saturday, I was at Chris's apartment and he made me spagettii and we watched Superstar again. Which I still have and will owe a latefee for. Then on Sunday my mom was sick and my dad made us chocolate and Alka Seltzer. I missed church cause my nose was bleeding. I was late to work on Saturday cause my nose was bleeding.

Chris has an increasingly growing hate for Tim Curry and would not let me watch any of his movies this weekend. I asured him my infatuation was purely professional; but my lie was easy to see through.

Hmmm....my onion bagel was not a good choice for breakfast considering I work in Customer Service.

Kristin is gonna take me to Wildman's Leather and Lace to pick up some sexy knickers. She wants to go to a Rocky Horror Picture Show-ing and I get to dress up as Frankenfurter. Whoo-hoo!!
Chris would be a perfect Rocky, but he won't put on the gold speedo.
Mmmm-kay. Got class now. I think we have a quiz and I wish I had studied.

November 18, 2000
The Univerity has taken many steps to prevent any rioting as is seen in every year before. Overturned cars, cars on fire, dumpsters on fire, drunken scholars wandering the streets...

Even the opposing team is taking precautions. The marching band keeps all females in the middle of formations and puts them through drills where the instructor would attack them to see if they could defend themselves of possible crazy-fan-attacks. I don't think much will change. I'm staying out of the city tonight. Two girls from the other team's band stayed at my house last night and said they were kind of scared of the game today. Whether they win or lose, they're targets for harassment. I think my school sucks and it's funnie that the students are so wild. I'm sure I'll see some people I know on the news tonight.

My boss is at lunch, so I'm sneaking in this entry.

I'm almost done reading 5 of Paula Vogel's plays. I never thought I'd enjoy anything but novels, but these are really good so far.

November 17, 2000
If there's one thing I'm bad at, besides skipping class, ignoring homework, and maybe picking my nose, it's crushes. *it's snowing right now* At this particular moment, I am hopelessly enamoured by Tim Curry. Yes, THE Tim Curry. Help me!! He's so WONDERFUL! He's been in Annie, Muppet Treasure Island, and Rocky Horror, as well as a multitude of other works from live theatre to voice- overs in cartoons. And he has a British accent. I love British Accents. I love England.

If I wasn't with Chris, I would pursue this man. I suppose I've harboured this for at least a few months, but have recently come to this realization. Of course, he's 54, or so. When I'm 40, he'll be 73.

Other famous people that should be my significant others:
Matt Damon. He looks just like chris! Even strangers go up to Chris and say he looks like him.
Ben Kingsley
That guy that played the german son in The Pest. Again, a European accent.
Prince William. Since freshman year of college.
Al Gore. I think he's cute. I would actually watch the State of the Union Address.
Samuel L. Jackson.

There might be more, but those are the ones that came to mind. Tim is, of course, number 1.

This lab is so quiet. The snowflakes are small, but in a great number. Like a silent predator. I sit here unaware of its presence. It strategically builds a defense around the perimeters of Ramseyer. When I leave-hours from now- I will finally become aware of the bitter cold and unmerciful wind.

Last night I began work on what I like to call, the new line of necklaces for December. They're gorgeous! Some of them are made out of real amethyst beads. I picked up some supplies last night to start preparing for a sale next month. I'm excited. It's only a church thing, but there'll be lots of people there and it's a good chance to finally get my product out. If this truly is what God wants, I'm sure it'll go fine. I didn't get to meet with that lady afterall. They're ripping out her office and a few others because every Sunday they get less and less space for the kids. The church tripples in size every year. In a few years, construction on the new one should be done. Anyway, it was cold, so I only waited 10 or 15 mintues. I don't know if she tried to call because our electricity went out and so the answering machine was off. This is boring.

I'm gonna go write some e-mails or something.

November 16, 2000
I'm going through a doofus stage.

Symptoms range from erratic behavior to ambiguous thought proceses. Last night, I had to go into the next town to pick up some concert tickets. Friends were following. No big deal. On the way home. I got lost. It took 30 minutes to find the exit onto the beltway. Chris and I did, however, find the Budweiser Brewery. Well, how special. When we found the beltway, I passed it. Turned around at Big Bear and tried again. I was in the WRONG lane again and PASSED it. Stopped in the middle of the road, turned into Antoinette's Diner and jumped the curb, turned around, and this time I MADE THE FREAKING BELTWAY.

Then, I had to swerve to catch the exit to the freeway at the last minute. I then missed my exit to the next freeway. So I take the next exit which takes us 20 minutes out of the way.

At this point, I'm screaming at Chris to just shut up and let me find the way home. He says I haven't lived here long enough to know what I'm doing and I ASSURED him I would figure it out if he would just shut up. I was pissed. So he put the chair down and rested cause he was getting car sick. After taking the next freeway, I had a while to think. Hmmm, I guess my surroundings seem familar. Anyway, I pass my exit and the one after it. Ok, I'll take the next one. It comes up on me too quickly. Slam the brakes! Jerk the Wheel! Complete stop in the middle of the fast lane of oncoming traffic. After a car goes around me I floor it to the exit. Barely noticing a sign up ahead for the next exit which would have taken me to my town. I ask Chris if he's ever heard of Amanda Northern road. Nope.

So here I am in the boonies. A one-lane dirt road. Chris sits up and wants to tell me where to go. Yet I am woman, hear me roar, I will find the way home MYSELF. I guess a few turns and eventually find a road I recognize.

When we walk through my front door my mom tells Chris to watch out; looks like I'm in a bad mood. So I go to the couch and watch TV. He eventually joins me and we have taco bell.

lordy, lordy what are they to do about me.

I also told my mom about what God wanted me to do. I guess I should have expected her response.
I described my situation to Chris, like this:
There's a chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake. I am gauranteed to not be hungry afterwards, to not get cavities, to enjoy every bite, and to know that this is what God wants me to eat. Then, there's a box. No idea what's in it. God does not recommend the box. It's what society is urging me to choose. Why, oh why, am I even CONSIDERING the box?!

Why have I been so conditioned to desire fame, success, money, independance-all this over God's Will?

For I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you, all the days of your life.
There's a promise from God. His plan will prosper me. I don't know what the white box will bring. Harm?

How can I be worried that I will never afford a Jaguar or a large house or a large warbrobe?

Do the birds of the sky worry about what they will eat or wear? No. The Lord takes care of them; and are you not worth more to Him than the birds of the sky or the fish of the sea? Therefore, do not worry about what you will eat, what you will wear, or where you will live. God will take care of it.
Another promise.

So why the heck am I even having this dilemma?!

Be a designer and a wife like God wants. I LOVE to sew! I do it in my free time, I spend all my money on it, I've skipped classes to do it. Taking care of a house would be cool. I hate not being in charge of my surroundings anyway. So how can I still be considering chiropractic school?!?!?!?!?

I DESPISE science!! I do NOT want to do this for the rest of my life!! Yes, I like it as a hobbie, not as a life style. But I would disappoint my parents. I wouldn't be prestigious. I wouldn't have earned their admiration. And it's foolish to desire their approval over God's.

These ideas of wanting money over God's will are stupid. But it's like racism. Racism is stupid. We know that. But when a child is raised with it, it's what they know. Primary socialization from the parents has instilled this into them. Yes, it can be changed, but it goes against everything you knew as a child. Does this make sense?

I was told:
never marry. men are a@@holes.
never have kids. they'll ruin your career, your body, your chances of traveling, and your life.
make lots of money. so you'll never be in want of anything and you can leave your husband whenever you want.

And all of a sudden, these aren't the important things. I'm talking to this lady at church today. She's got some degree in counseling or something. She's gonna be the final opinion, I think. The one to tell me if I've interpreted what God said correctly. I've talked to 3 or 4 people so far. The oldest was about 24 and in semminnary school (preacher school).

I'm just in shock. Here I am. GOD HIMSELF SPOKE TO ME, and I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do. How do you NOT listen to Him?! Arrrrrrggggggg!!!!!

Be back later. May make a cameo appearance in lecture today.

Ta-ta, lovelies!!

November 15, 2000
Something happened last night, but I probably shouldn't realte the whole story.

Here's a small background. Ok, so there's this country song that I heard for the first time a few nights ago. It's about an alcoholic and his drug-addict wife. They have a baby girl. They're always fighting and using their drugs and all in front of her. All sad like country songs are. Then one day, while she's in the room, he shoots the wife and then himself. So Social Services comes in and takes the girl to a foster home. The parents take her to church and she's never been before so she's all nervous and stuff. In Sunday school class, she sees a picture of Jesus and is like, I know that man, He's the one that was always sitting with me when I was hiding behind the couch. Or something like that. So wah, wah, wah I cried at that part like a sissy. I always cry for country songs.

And for reasons I won't go into, every time I see a kid arounnd 5-7yrs old with messy hair, clothes that don't fit, buck teeth, or something that makes them look vulnerable, or whatever, all I can imagine is that kid sitting in a corner somewhere in the dark and scared. Plus, I had watched most of Angela's Ashes last night.

So, last night was just a bad night. I was pissy for a stupid, selfish reason. With the divorce, Chris moving out, and a million other things, I've had to put all my needs on hold in order to be nice to Chris and help him out. Plus, he wanted me to type a paper for him AGAIN. Yes, I type 4 times faster and all, but it just felt like being used. Then, at Burger King, the shake machine wasn't working, so I got a frozen Minute Maid. I didn't even take 5 steps before I walked too close to the trash can and it knocked my drink from my hands ALL OVER THE FLOOR. So I took my unwrapped straw to my seat and sulked. The LEAST the morons at Burger King could've is get me a new one.

Then Chris was all like, You need to just get over it, blah, blah, blah, stop feeling sorry for yourself, or something like that. I don't really remember now. He said he's buy me another, but I was too mad.

Then, all the way to the library I thought about the way I always think of sad things when I think of kids. In the middle of this, I remembered that country song. By the time I got to the library I was crying. To shorten up the rest of what happened next: I was screaming and cursing about what a f*cking liar that country singer was. About how ignorant and self-centered our society was to think about money and cars when there are children everywhere that can't even eat. And that children are truly alone when they suffer because I remember being in that situation and I never saw anyone. I was cold, hurt, and crying ALONE. I told Chris I didn't love him and I didn't need him and that after 21 years I have proved that I truly don't need ANYONE. I was doing this weird nervous thing where I balled up my fist and just kept rubbing it back and forth across the top of my thigh.

Then I was done. I gave the librarian a little 'tude. And I apologized to Chris. My eyes were hot from crying and my lashes were cold from the little bit of snow that had begun to fall from the dark night; it mixed with my tears and created a kind of frost. I took Chris to his apartment. Last night was the first night they stayed there. I watched tv with him and hugged him.

November 14, 2000
Connections are good. I'm the only one in the computer lab right now cause my friend let me in early.

I almost screamed at my mom this morning. She listens to the CRAPPIEST radio stations. Nasty, slow 80's junk. And Petra. Sometimes she leaves it on news broadcasts which I also hate. She goes past 5 stations I would have left it on to find that special station of loser-music. I make little fists and sink into my seat. My head slowly bangs on the seat. I'm bringing my cd player tomorrow.

Today Chris and his family are hauling butt to get into the new apartment before his dad gets home. Then, as they have put it, "all hell will break loose." His dad has been a real jerk lately. I liked him at first, but I've seen things that would have provoked the old me to beat him silly. Now, I silently protest. And make sure Chris knows I love him. If his dad comes 'round while I'm PMS'ing, though, I can't make any guarantees that he will come out alive. That's the only time of the month that I have my super powers. Where I can make assertions in seconds and fly into action at lightning-speed. What? That man dropped a cigarrette on the ground? Ahhhh! And I fly into superwoman mode.

My sister will leave for college this summer. I am SO happy. I want her to find a college she LOVES so she'll never want to come home EVER again. She's a brat. Spoiled. All the "youngest"s are. I feel for all the "oldest"s out there. I have three little pains that I had to watch over. I was always in charge. That didn't mean they'd listen to me, but that I was the one who got in trouble when something went wrong. If I have kids, I'm spoiling the first one silly. Gotta go sleep now. Write more later.

I'm starving. I have a few crumpled, stale cookies and half a bag of Funyons. The onion-flavoured air crisps. MMMMMMM. I have gum in my mouth to trick my tummy. In an hour in a half I should be able to get something to eat.

Last night between work and my test (5:30pm- 7:30pm) Dave bought me a cinnamon sundae. Mmmmm. It had cinnamon ice cream, hot cinnamon apples, pecans, whipped cream, and a cherry. Deeeeeeeee-lightful. Of course, I can't really digest dairy. So, during the test last night, my stomach was LOUD! Yes ladies and gentlemen, in a room of 300 or so QUIET, STUDIOUS, O. Chem students taking an exam, I was the only noise audible. Grrrrr-arrr-ouuuu-arrrrr! It mumbled and grumbled and squealed. I sucked my tummy in really tight, for some reason thinking this would hush it, but it didn't. So I said, oh well. I could be in worse situations.

And then I was. It was freezing outside by the time I was done. At 9pm, in 30 degree weather, I had to stand outside and wait for my mom. Brrrrrrr!

Chris keeps saying he's getting me a ring for Christmas. Wonder what kind...

Ya know what? Im tired of people having a problem with female-dominance. Get over it! People are ok with the male making all the decisions and initiating stuff, but the moment I do it, I'm BOSSY! I am not bossy. I'm assertive. Sometimes you want to be held, sometimes you want to be the one holding. What's the big deal? Guys don't always want to be in control in every situation. I just happen to relieve my significant other of that burden the majority of the time. Besides, girls are smarter and do a much better job of being in control.

Could you tell someone said I was bossy the other day?

I'm reading a new book.
The Baltimore Waltz and other plays
by Paula Vogel.

Seems interesting. I've read 3 pages of the intro. I just checked it out.

P.S. Hey, you know what I've been wondering? Jane hasn't updated in such a long time, I wonder if she died. I think it's weird that there are pages up and the webmasters have died and people will never know.

November 13, 2000
I've recently learned that the government has deemed my page as bad for the morale of the United States military- as are all Gurlpages. It is impossible to visit my page from a government computer. HOWEVER, they have full access to pornography. GO troops! Though, they are discouraged from trying to pull up porn.

Yes, I am a Christian. Yes, I voted for Gore. Why?
I am sooooo agaisnt State sovereignty, One nation, One government. We tried the solo-flying State thing before and it failed miserably. To promote internal morale and to make national trade easier, vote Gore.

Gore wants to invest money in the military. Not necessarily to buy guns and shoot people. Our military is big on prevention and promoting peace. Plus, I've got two sibs and a sis-in-law in the military.

Bush might cut down on gov't jobs. My parents work for the gov't.

Gore is a Christian, you know.

Yes, I'm pro-choice. Now don't send me e-mails calling me a baby killer.

Who I vote for is my decision. I chose Gore. I researched before I voted. I like his policies on foreign affairs. Actually, I really like them. I think he has a great plan for the future of international relationships as well as reforms within our own society. I like Foward Engagement. He is aware of the New Security Agenda. Republicans, however, tend to be cynical about the future.

Bush sucks a dodo's big toe.

My own family lives in TX and said Bush has not done a single thing right as governor.

Gore invented the freaking internet. How great is that?!?!

These aren't the only reasons I voted Gore. They are only a few of them. So, if anyone has a problem with this, well, go do your own research, and then use your voice and VOTE!

And, don't doubt my faith. Don't even judge it. What I believe is between me and God. I couldn't give a rat's canoodle whether you think I'm a Christian or not. You're not the one I answer to on Judgement Day.

Besides, Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Now, let's move on.

I spent four hours yesterday doing O. Chem homework. Test today from 7:30pm-9:30pm. Two more tests and then I'm swearing off science for good!

I can't believe I had to go so long without access to the net. Just one thing after another.

Chris's last day in his dad's house is Tuesday. I've already had a bad dream about his new apartment. It involved pink wall paper and a 1 ft. wooden, talking doll.

Had to end abruptly there as the building I was typing in decided to catch on fire.

Well, I feel icky. I just had a Wendy's 5-piece nugget and a Slim Fast shake and I feel like I could puke. The stomach is an organ of storage, not digestion. The small intestine is for digestion. The stomach is yelling at the duodenum to move it along, cause it's got stuff a'comin. When I jump, the chickens swim around in their chocolate pool.

I'm just being gross.

My advil is wearing off. Did you know you can only take ONE every 4 hours?! I usually take about 6 advil 3 or 4 times a day. My doctor said I could ignore the label. Cause I was being mean about how painful periods are. He gave me some elephant tranquilizers or something. I don't know; they're HUGE pills for cramps. But they do nothing for back pain, butt pain, boobie pain, nausea, and me hitting Chris over the head with stuff. Chris is getting worried as my 500-count bottle is running low.

Run, Chris, Run!! She's PRE-MENSTRUAL!!

I am, at the moment, skipping class. Why? Because. I'm bored.

November 8, 2000
Have to write 7-page Poli Sci paper. Logged in to NY Times.com to watch results.

To all you people who didn't vote cause you thought it wouldn't count, hopefully you now see what a difference it can make.

I voted for Gore last night. Go Gore!

November 6, 2000
Bought film yesterday so I have pics I need to scan. Also bought perfume and some material to make a skirt. I wanted to watch SNL's presidential bash last night, but by 10pm I was falling asleep. Chris dragged me off the couch so I'd go to bed in my room.

By next weekend all of Chris' stuff should be in their new apartment. I haven't seen it yet, but I know where it is. He's only seen it once- when they were "apartment hunting."

I might have a cavity. I'm not sure. I've never had one before despite my being a sugar-fiend. It feels weird when I press my teeth together. That's what I'm going by. I also can't feel my tastebuds cause I burnt them with coffee this morning.

*Setting: A crisp Alabama morning with occasional slurping noises*

:1998. July.
:You proposed to me.
:And you rejected me.
:Man, I love this coffee.
International House of Coffee introduces to you, Paris Mornings; a bittersweet blend of mocha, vanilla, and rejection.

Actually, it was Suisse Mocha. My mommy made it for me so I wouldn't die while driving into the city.

I can't go hold Gore signs today because of a stupid Dr's appointment. I don't even know what we'll talk about today. Maybe my addictions. I don't really have any, though.

My sister's cat is sick. She goes to the bathroom, like, 8 times an hour. She'll squat, turn around and look, and realize she hasn't made potty. How disappointing. She feels like half the cat she was before this whole thing started. My parents are trying to get a urine sample for the Vet.

Elisa- It's really funnie! They have her on anti-biotics for now. I'll send you a pic soon. I keep telling mom to send you your coat. I'll get the address from her and try to send it to you if you still need it.

November 5, 2000
My grandma brought tamales, mexican bread, tortillas, empenadas, chocolate with cinnamon and rum, and lots more food. She's cool. And she gave me a gold bracelet this morning. Last night when we were all sitting around and talking, Chris didn't want to sit between us cause he said we were too weird. My mom said it was a curse that she named me after her mother and we turned out just alike. I think she rocks.

Then she saw my room...

Ahhhhhhh!!! She's gonna make me clean it today after I get home from work. There's underwear EVERYWHERE, and sweaters, too. I bought some new underwear yesterday. After the football game, my school won and so did Chris's, we went downtown to the mall. We ate Cajun food and shopped. Chris was looking for the new Blair Witch 2 soundtrack, even though the movie sucked, and I was looking for the perfect white shirt and knee-high black boots. I ended up getting an almost perfect white shirt (the shoulders are weird) and three pairs of underwear. One is blue with stars, one is pink and black snake skin, and the third is pink sparklies. They're thongs, but they're so purty. The boots I wanted were $100. Had to pass.

I've only been here at work for an hour and a half and I'm bored. It's soooo cold in here. I'm wearing a shirt, fleece vest, and my coat. Even in the summer, I always need to bring a sweater.

I found out why it seems like I'm the only one doing data entry, I AM the only one doing it. In addition to catching up the guestbook every weekend, I'm entering raffle tickets from two years ago. I'm ok with it, though. Cause from now on, this paycheck is my play money. $50 a week to spend however I want. I know it seems frivilous, but I work 6 days a week and wake up early every single day. 6 days a week, the earliest I will ever get home is 5pm. I need some kind of break or relief. And so, I am designating this paycheck as MY money. Not school's, or Discover's, or the loan people's; MINE. Of course, it should prolly pay off Discover since I make most of my fun purchases that way. I hate credit cards. I needed one my first quarter though cause I was broke. So I got one and took the $500 cash advance.

NEVER get a card. I mean it.

November 3, 2000
Dave- I have a present for you, so I'll have to give it to you some time next week. See, I finally finished that pillow.

Today was a bunch of +'s and -'s .
I usually slept through PoliSci lectures, Missed 4 weeks worth of reading assignments, and really despise politics, yet managed to get an A on the midterm. Not bad
I get to oversleep tomorrow.
My grandmother comes this weekend
All I have to clean is my room cause I already did the downstairs and the bathroom.

I saw a bird that was run over; two wings with guts spewing out like pink spagettii (that word looks mispelled)
I didn't realize I'd already worn this shirt untill it was too late to change. I feel dirty.
My mom left the van door open all night. New battery dead. Everything inside soaking wet.
The bus this morning is the one after the one I usually take. Because of the van incident, I had to get the next one which smelled like alcohol and genitals. I wanted to puke. And make sure my vomit hit the man with the brown paper bag concealing his drink and the homeless woman next to me.

Chris bought me some huge yellow flowers yesterday
That's cause I was in a bad mood and he didn't want me to be mad at him when he came over. I get to help him move into his new home.

I also saw the new movie "Left Behind" It's really good and I can't wait for the second one. It's gonna be three parts. It's as good as a "real" movie. I say this cause sometimes Christian movies just suck. It's about the people left behind for the seven years of rapture. You know how you always see those bumper stickers,
"WARNING: In case of rapture, car unmanned." Those are cool.
Kirk Cameron is in it.

I've been in a pretty good mood lately, except for a few bouts of meany-ness. But that will be gone in a couple of days.

My dad has been a big dork lately. He acts like he's 4 sometimes. Then my mom gets mad and I have to hear her repeat all the reasons he's so stupid, over and over and over and over.....

I like being with Chris.

November 2, 2000
It was snowing on this day, one year ago. Today it's over 70 degrees.

I talked to Josh about what I've been doing and Proverbs 31 and he assured me it's a sign from God. He also said I need to acknowledge that it's a despription of the Godly wife. So, I'm supposed to be a great wife and make and sell the things that I make. NOT what I would have thought when I first entered college, but I can see how God has already begun preparation. (Man, my leg has been hurting for days! Maybe I'm gonna hit a growth spurt.)

All those horrible relationships have just been showing me the important factors in a marriage and letting me see my faults beforehand so that I wouldn't make all the mistakes with my husband. And, I love to sew. Just recently God put a passion of quilting in me and if you look at the Bible verse, it says, "She makes coverings for her bed." So, I guess I can finally totally dedicate myself to something.

This week has been going by soooo fast! On Saturday, Chris and I go to a college football game, then to the highschool football game. His school is in the playoffs for State. Last year they were the second best team in the State. My grandmother comes then, too. I can't wait!

But, that means I have to work on Sunday, which sucks. I can't go to church, I have to wake up early, and I have to go to my stupid job and type in a bunch of useless data. I think I might quit soon. I'll miss the $50 a week, though. Maybe, I can rationalize that my other job will pay bills and this one will be spending money. That way, I can sacrifice 8 hours a week in order to have a $50 allowance!

I'm in trouble cause I forgot to buy a picture of a fetal pig. Now I'm gonna have to guess at its anatomy in lab today. It made me mad when I found out the Pork Industry slaughters pregnant pigs then discards the fetuses. That's why we use them. There's an abundance of them. *chills*

I can't wait to see Chris today. He's so purty.

November 1, 2000

I made my mom honk the horn as she drove past the people holding the Gore signs. And, of her own free will, she yelled at the people holding Bush signs. He wants to cut down on government jobs and almost everyone in my famiy works for the government. Even me. I'm a CIA operative.

I just don't like a lot of the things Bush will do. He thinks he's doing the best thing for America, but it will actually do more harm to the people than good. I, of course, am open-minded. If you're republican, then good for you. Go out there on November 8th and you cast that vote of yours for Bush, tee-hee.

I really, really wanna get our electoral guy out there to Washington and use this state to help bring Gore to the presidency. He's pretty cute.

I'm gonna try to stop by his campaign office downtown today to pick up some info. Maybe they'll have bumper stickers. Or they'll let me hold a sign at a street corner!

I finished most of my pink,velvet cheetah blanket. I messed up a little cause I was mad at my dad and didn't try very well as I sewed the edges. He was being stupid yesterday.

So when Chris came over, I was in a bad mood. We get to hang out together today, though. Of course, it'll be with the Bible Study group, but oh well.

Before I forget,
Call Dr to get allergy meds. (I'm TIRED of feeling like poop!)
Call for checkup.
Write rough draft of PoliSci paper.
Think up a b-day gift for Chris's 18th.
Begin "real life" journal where I can talk about other stuff
Kiss Chris
Make plans for football game this Saturday.

I hate allergies. I know it's gross, but my nose always bleeds because of them. I woke up at 4am because of it.

Skipped class today- instead had lunch with mom and picked up a gift for Chris... A suprise gift!! Wonder what it is???? I'll be PMSing in a few days, so I might as well be nice to him right now. Sometimes I'm ok, but sometimes I'm MEAN!!!! It always depends on what I eat right before. I've had a lot of sugars lately, so I might be bad. Poor, poor, Chris. Ok, this is kind of personal business, so I should go.