journal archives

april 30, 2001
It felt like a meeting of the U.N. And I got to represent one of the good countries. Yesterday, I took a two-hour lunch break to attend this leadership meeting at church. I was there to represent the 17 or so college-age people that attend our bible study. Everyone else, of course, was a lot older. Still, I felt all important as I sat there and listened to all the privileged info I now had access to. It reminded me of the Never Ending Story like we were all there from our different planets discussing the health of the Child-like Empress and our concerns for our well-being and survival. Then I got stuck in line at Burger King trying to grab lunch on the way to work. I had to pee and yelled at the lady in the intercom to rush my order. She didn't listen.

My brother is now one step removed from the family. After the warrant for his arrest and refusing to tell my family where he is, every picture of him in our house was placed face down. And I haven't heard anyone mention his name since they've come back from Norfolk. My sister in germnay said she heard a military report of a family with our last name seeking a Navy soldier in Norfolk. She thought it was us but my parents were never interviewed so she's not sure. He tricked the Navy into letting him take his impounded car out, so there's no way to know where he is at all now.

As far as my life- I'm wearing down. As soon as I get home, I always go straight to sleep. I even fell asleep in class today which was embarrasing cause im in the first row. My parents yelled at me yesterday, too, cause they didn't know I had been working 7 days/week. They want me give up more hours and I;m thinking about it. I just hate to think that I'd be losing that money and letting down the director. I suppose something will have to go.

And I'm just too tired to write anymore. Sleepy. I've been too worn out to even feel anymore. That's why I'm just describing stuff. I can't remember if I've felt anything lately but I've done stuff- gone through all the motions without the emotions. 'Cept yesterday. I had fun and felt happy with Chris. I even did my monkey impression for him.

april 27, 2001
Don't watch The Virgin Suicides- read the book cause it is soooo much better. You just lose too much with the movie version. Kristin, Chris and I rented it then loaded up on Popeyes chicken. Chris fell asleep in the movie and my mom was there as we watched all those awkward scenes of people making out and having sex. um, not cool.

I still haven't paid tuition yet, but went shopping. I had to console myself because I'm broke. Too broke for school.

Yesterday was a good day and was only marred by the soda I had. Afterward, as is often characteristic of hypoglycemics, I began an arguement that was completely off the wall. Chris and I were talking about him needing to put windsheild wipers on and he wanted me to go to his house with him. I kinda didn't want to so I started a fight. I was pissed because of the way a males' sexuality is encouraged by every aspect of society. I got mad at him because he said I couldn't go to the Full Monty (local male strip club). Then I used every vocab word I have ever learned in college sociology, psychology, and culture classes- twisting their defintions and theories they represeted to finally conclude that society was only rearing men to be sexually healthy adults and who would be suprised if I turned out to be a lesbian?

He asked if I'd had any sugar.

So then I was mad because my valid arguement was being excused away with something that had nothing to do with what I believed. Eventually he went home like, "Ok, Melida. I'll call you in a bit."

And that kind of sucked. Oh well. I'm gonna work on catching up in my classes.

parte dos

deprogress. I just went to The Spark and took a test. Turns out my score went up. I am now 60% b*tch. I kid you not. 60% which is higher than the worldwide average 38%. I must work on being nicer now.
Have a good day, y'all.

april 26, 2001
Whoops, forgot to pay tuition yesterday. Oh well. After my entry the day got a little worse yesterday. I got a 67% on a big paper- the first time I have EVER done poorly on a written assignment. I cried on the way home for that and because I was hungry and had nothing but pretzels. As soon as I got home I went straight to bed waking up only to eat leftover spagetti. I woke up right before bible study and my mom had cleaned the house for me. All the guys were outside playing basketball and the girls were in the kitchen talking and snacking. How stereotypical. Then we talked about piercings and tatoos and some of the girls actually suprised me. When the guys came in they were all sweaty and they each got smacked by their g/f's when they tried to hug them. It was fun. We're learning about stuff like, "How do we know God exisits?" And studying things like evolution, why bad things happen, why there's evil....and that kind of stuff.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy. Trying to keep my temper under control. Haven't been in any big fights lately. On my period and didn't even hit not one person this week!! I'm trying to watch what I eat, too, which is a BIG part of it. I'm thinking of quitting one of my jobs. I just can't stand all the obligations I have weighing down on me right now. School, Chris, both jobs, and it leaves me with little time for church stuff and no time for free time. I just feel bad about letting anyone down. I may just drastically cut my hours at both jobs. I can make up for some of it with my third job. I'm keeping up the house inside and out for my family. My parents are just too tired and my sister has no idea how to clean. I don't even think she's ever mowed the lawn before. As long as I'm being paid, I don't mind doing more than the others.

So that's it. I'm going to get back to The Virgin Suicides now.

april 25, 2001
Not in a good mood. I missed class because of traffic and they took attendance today which means I lost points. Bro's name is now officially marked with a federal warrant for his arrest, but this does not suprise me. And my body is releasing hormones which are inducing uterine contractions. Oh, glorious day! Plus, I usually get surplus hormones so all my other organs get to partake in these fits.


Checked out Virgin Suicides from the library last night. Had weird dream. I was being chased and I was flying away. Then I had a girlfriend, a black girl I don't know in real life. I was a lesbian. Or bi since eventually, towards the end Chris was in my dream. Who knows. I doubt dreams mean anything. Unless I dream about the bathroom, which I do alot; then it means I have to go potty in real life.

So I'm gonna work on that paper now. I took allergy meds so I can't take advil right now. Oh yes, and I left my purse in the van. With all my, uh, stuff. I'm determined to make this into a good day, though. So cheer up, already.

Oh, one more thing. I am the proud owner of a butt which has been featured on the Not Vain page. So go check me out, and thanks Buffalo Dawl.

april 24, 2001

120 days since Christmas and our tree is still up!

I was hoping for more of a reaction. You know, a little screaming maybe even fainting. When my mom saw the bathroom it was like, "yeah, that's nice." it was a real let down. now i have to write my spanish observation on something else.

My mommy bought me a bag and a shotglass in Ocean City so now my shotglass collection is up to 12 or 13. I can't even use them to drink from. They just sit by my tv all pretty.

My dad stayed in D.C cause he has a week-long meeting.

Ok, I'm gonna go add to Tuesday's Project now. It'll be the time my mom called me off work and made up a horribly embarassing excuse.

parte dos
Know what I just remembered? Once, I was trying to give my "bestest, bestest friend in the whole-wide world" (this was her official title) and atomic wedige. I got up to her shoulder blades but couldn't pull her underwear up any further. She claimed she couldn't even feel it. Ok....

parte tres
I have tons of homework to do, but then I found the Fat Project and I'm sorry, but I must read through before I can begin my work. Please feel free to read if you, too, have work you would like to hold off on. We will discuss it later. Take notes.

april 23, 2001
I saw two dead dogs on the highway this morning. They looked like family pets; one even had a blue collar. But they were inbetween two concrete walls cause consrtuction was going on and they only way they could have gotten there is by falling out of a vehicle that had driven down that way. It was sad.

So I finsihed the bathroom last night. Um, didn't exactly resemble my "vision" but whatever. Chris said he felt like he was in a mexican restaurant. He made me a pizza while I finsihed up in there and we had a nice dinner watching Simpsons, Malcom in the middle and King of the Hill. and that's it. I wanna upload some pics and then do a little homework.

some pics i've uploaded

april 22, 2001

top secret entry

im not supposed to be on right now. im supposed to be doing data entry (which is totally boring and sucks) but im here for 8 hrs today and i have to take breaks, right?

so- i have not yet finished the bathrooom. i WILL do it tonight after work though. they get home tomorrow, so i have to.

this week i'll be talking to someone about studying abroad next year. scary. i don't want to, but i suppose i should.

so that's it. gotta go cause i think my boss is here

april 20, 2001
I had a three-way last night. It was good. If I fill out three more frequent customer cards, I become an ambassador club member. That means I get special treatment every time I go- like, they'll tie a bib on me.

I decided I needed a motto- something to live by. While listening to some song whose lyrics I can't decipher, I heard something like,
yeah, I don't walk with a list no more.
So, I'm gonna stop living like everyone's on my hitlist. Maybe I'll find myself in a lot less fights.

The painting of the bathroom is coming along well. I'm gonna find a sari to use as a shower curtain and I bought some candle holders. I'm really hoping my parents don't freak out too much when they see what I've done. So that's it. I'm gonna study for a test I have today and then finish filling out my application for a summer job. You get a min. of $9.79/hr just for reading to a bunch of kids. Whoo-hoo!!

Oh,I also learned that it is extemely difficult to take a pic of your own butt. But I was able to take some other pics and those are here

april 19, 2001

And two days later I'm still trying to finish painting!! I have to get this done before the rents come home. Here's the last pic you will ever see of me if my 'rents kill me.
I've been painting so long, that when I do it, I can't even smell it anymore.

We had 17 people at bible study which is the most we've ever had. We made omlets and waffles and had breakfast. My first 6 omlets came out like scrambled eggs and I got mad and was actually yelling at people that they were the ones screwing them up. Then I made a perfect one. Turns out I was using way too many eggs and it was making it imposible to flip without gooing over everywhere.

Can't think of anythig else to say right now. I'm still sick. Nose keeps bleeding. I think it's a cold and an allergy.

april 18, 2001
For the unfaithful, yes, I have changed my page.

Was a bad girl yesterday. Don't tell my mom, but after cleaning the bathroom really well last night, I began painting it a deep purple. I'll finish it today then accent it with dark purple squares. I couldn't help it. I was feeling artistic. After crocheting and quilting I still had this urge to create. My parents are gonna kill me when they get back from vacation...

I'm still sick. I think that today I've got a fever. I'll blame my erratic behavior on that.

I skipped my first class today. I just didn't want to wake up. I was freeeeezing. I had a weird dream, too. I was some kind of witch or something and it was all about my wild and crazy antics. Then there was a manison full of young girls dresses as geishas and it was a boading school. I also killed a rat and a lot of its babies. And I died in a shop with the other witches, but I came to life and there was a totally cute guy that was gonna be my new b/f. He had curly dark hair.

And I guess that's it. I wanna work on my page a little more before I pass out from this sickness.

april 17, 2001
Tax Day is a holiday for my family. My mom is fussing and running around with last minute things, my dad is all mad and frustrated looking for lost W-2's, my sis is whining about something...But around 10pm-11pm we all pile into the van together and join the long line of procrastinators at the post office. Last year, the post office had someone dressed as uncle sam taking our envelopes. This year, though, two siblings are away in the military. My sis and parents would be away on vacation. So our taxes were done a week ago with no real commotion. It just wasn't the same. Chris and I dropped our taxes off yesterday. Even though I'd had the envelopes for a week, I needed to wait til the last day for tradition's sake. We laughed at the people who were actually there picking up the forms.

So my weekend was mildy exciting. No more weekend updates now that I know why my boss was fired and since we've been getting busier as the weather warms. Despite it being warmer, sleeping with my window open one night made me sick. Throat, ear, nose....everything hurts.

Ooooh! I almost forgot. On saturday, after being spit up on by a baby, everyone at the grocery store got to see my bootae. As I used the cart as a scooter down the frozen food section, it was not until afterwards I was informed that my booty was hanging out the entire time. Good Show. Then I watched Baseketball for the first time. On Easter, I watched the full monty after church then was invited to Chris's grandparents' house for dinner. His grandma even bought me candy. =)

april 13, 2001
the last time i was alone was scary. my fam. left this morning to go on holiday, as the brits put it. i, of course, have school and work and so cannot go. other than that, the only other thing pissing me off is taxes. did them last night and i owed on all but one. i got one refund of, like, $30 bucks which sucks cause i owe almost $100 with the others. bush, i know you like my page, but come on. you've got to do something about this.

other than that it's a great day. good weather. nice hair. got to skip class and sleep in. and im procrastinating homework by buying sandals online. nice platform sandals with Velcro!!

my parents felt bad about leaving me for their vacation and bought me stuff before they left. what a nice day.

april 12, 2001
im looking tough today. got my three-row studded belt and my BIKER IN TRAINING t-shirt. Plus, i forgot a rubberband so my hair is like jungle girl hair from the humidity and i can only wear it down. it's a scary look.

im trying to redo my page but my iframes will only work in IE. i hate netscape. i hope it dies.

Oh yes, and bible study was fun last night and we had tons of food.

april 11, 2001
what do you think of apequeen.com? I'm thinking of buying it. for no real reason other than being inspired by yesterday's Planet of the Apes monologue. I'm slowly looking for a new layout.

Oh! Here's something interesting, Apparently, George W. Bush has proclaimed himself a fan of my page!! isn't that wonderful?! I mean it, just look at my guestbook! Oooh, I feel so special! And not in the special ed kind of way, either.

So now that my page has gone so far as the White House, I feel a moral obligation to my society to be a good role model. This may mean not peeing in any shoe boxes for a while. Or getting my fingers caught in bottles. Oh yes, and I must not pick my nose.

I saw chocolat last night with jenny and her mom and a lady. it was actually very good. i thought it'd suck, you know, like a chick flick. but it was actually funnie and all. johnny depp was a HOTTIE. so that rocked that he was in it.

At home, we made frozen cappacinos and played with all our new candles we had ordered. jenny spent the night and is with me today to see what "college life" is like. mostly boring, but with a few instances of interest. like the lady who just got all pissy with me.

and that's it. bible study is tonight and some people are coming early to do some cooking for the group and i need to teach some people how to make cookies. they're really good and simple but for some reason they had problems making them.

Make Them

rasberry meltaways (recipe from somewhere on get crafty)

1 stick butter
1 stick margarine
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla (maybe tbsp, i don't really know)
2 cups flour
jar of rasberry jam (or jelly, perserves...and you can do any flavor)

:::::combine all 'cept jam
:::::mix until dough becomes creamy
:::::roll into balls and place on UN-greased cookie sheet
:::::place thumb in center of each cookie
:::::place jam in thumbprint
:::::bake at 350 degrees on high rack for 10 min.

makes 24
and don't think they have to be brown or hard before they're done. they don't get dark and they harden as they cool, not as they bake.

april 10, 2001
envy has been a crank lately. maybe i shouldn't use that word- i don't know what it means but im sure i've heard it somewhere before.

anyway, i did have time to do some homework and i even came up with a new design for my page. a much better one this time.

I'm so hungry. the best chinese is general tao/ tso when it's crispy. i only know two places that serve it like that. and the place i just discovered like that has a huge crucifix hanging by the door. so i know it's not kitty.

mmmmm......food. i have a squished PB& J that im not looking foward to. i don't get home til 5pm and im supposed to be on a budget so i can't really go out and buy something else. another instance in where being rich would help me out.

in most places it's not illegal to serve cat and dog- they just can't deny it is all. but i don't suppose they have to actually tell you about it until you ask. so ask. then see if they don't spit in your food instead for even asking that.

so today is the 106th day since christmas and my tree is still up and decorated. i like it. i must form a cult now. i will naturally be the leader because of my ability to transcend the time continueum. We'll live in tents out in the desert and we'll all dress the same. i'll make the outfits, of course.

i'll lead them all out of the gregorian calander into freedom. an existance not dominated by those damned, dirty apes!!

wait- wrong planet. no, it WAS our planet!! you destroyed it!! didn't you?! DAMN YOU!!!

But that's still a few years into our future.

so i've got to be cheap and losery now. gotta work up the courage for my soggy sandwich, too. blech.

let's do lunch sometime. chinese.

april 9, 2001
had i not procrastinated my weekend away, i'd update. instead, im finishing up an interview i put off.

april 7, 2001
2:25 pm

When I came in to work this morning, there were cub scouts everywhere- but my boss's truck was missing. I quickly switched into paranoid mode but quickly concluded that his g/f dropped him off. When I walked in, there was a lady at the counter waiting for me. She said the executive director had let my boss go. And that the details were unknown or something. So I got superparanoid. I have never worked so hard as I have today. What if they let him go for playing on the web? so im gonna leave in just a sec cause im all scared that they're watching me through the cameras right now. especially cause this comp is right by the cash drawer. i hope he was let go for something like stealing so this paranoia goes away. i would cry if anyone ever fired me. so im here all alone and i just ate a burger my mom brought me. the guy who was gonna be here isn't here yet and i don't even have the keys. what a weird day.

april 6, 2001
I need to go pants shopping. Almost every pair I own fall off or go down too much when I squat or sit. I'm tired of everyone knowing which underwear I chose to wear today.
today: pink and black snakeskin.

Since I know everyone really wanted to know that...

i talked to anthony a couple of days ago and the more i talk to guys the more i kind of wish they'd all back off. right when all my classes get easy and really interesting (for the first time in 3.75 yrs in college) it seems like everyone is wanting me to choose them. i don't even wanna think about marriage anymore. i think i did at one time, but right now, im more interested in school. as you can see from the above picture, im just a nice school nerd who wants to get her diploma. then become famous. and have an affair with tim curry that would be covered by all trash media (enquirer, world news, etc), never grow old, and finally learn to play an instrument.

but then i feel bad for saying that cause chris is a very nice person and doesn't deserve to be hurt in anyway. he would hate it if i dated tim curry.

april 5, 2001

the entire library had a power outage yesterday then i had, like, an hour to type a paper and I just couldn't get an update in at all yesterday. anyway, bible study was huge; we had 16 people. one guy baked a lasagna, vegetarian, and it was really good. everyone else brought something for a side. we're getting so huge, but everyone is really nice.

not much to do today, um, except my homework. i forgot about that. after chris gets home from the firestation we'll prolly get three-ways and then do nothing. he spent $250 on umpire equipment and I have $10 in the bank. but don't tell my mom.

april 3, 2001

Wow. no one's ever asked me for an autograph before.

right after i left lazarus yesterday, feeling all discriminated against by the dickhead that works there, a couple of old guys walked up to me asking for money, but i didn't have my wallet so they asked for my autograph instead. i told them i wasn't famous yet and they whooped all the way down the sidewalk saying once i was famous they'd make money from knowing me way back when. they were nice guys. probably homeless, but nice. then i went to human resources and told the lady their sales person was a jerk. then i felt better and walked around taking pics.

it was a gorgeous day and one of the only days we'll ever see a blue sky. i learned you can't have cameras out in a gov't building and if the gaurd's a dick, he'll make you show him even a bottle of lotion from inside your bag. Even if you go there EVERY SINGLE DAY. what the heck did he think it was? he didn't even check my pager and camera which they ARE supposed to do. but he's my least fave gaurd. all the others are nice.

then i got all hyper on some girl scout cookies *mmmm, thin mints* and ran around for a few hours laughing hysterically. i sang along to blink 182 and had calmed down by the time i found the only in-print copy of school girls in the area. i got two new library cards yesterday.

And so it begins...tuesday's project

april 2, 2001

my pen almost poked someone's eye out this morning. i was trying to hold it and i twirled it out of my hand, right into her face. she was nice about it and even picked it up for me. i felt stoopid. i sit in the front so everyone got to see my twirling baton work.

Got around to cleaning my room yesterday and only had one break. it was when my mom wanted to sneak out to jo-ann's. while looking at candles and holders, she said:
"these would look nice with some volvos in them."
and i said, "volvos?! those are cars, mom!!"
"No wait! I mean, we should put some nice vulvas in here!"
"Mom, I think you mean votives."

and church on sat. was fun. all my fave songs. nice message. and i got to sleep in on sunday morning.