journal archives

march 31, 2001
2:41 pm

semi-busy today. we've even got canadians visiting. took them 4 hours just to find us once they got here. since the executive director isn't here and his assistant is running an errand, i decided to get on even though nothing has really happened. everyone visiting the museum today does get a free peek at my knickers though. these pants are huge. i must have been bloated when i bought them cause i could have sworn they fit. and of course i had another dream about work last night. the more i dream about them, the more i think about them. then i dream about them some more cause im thinking about them.

i made up a budget yesterday. hopefully, i should be able to go to germany by sept. during my summer break. deine Popo ist sehr grosse!! that's my german. im so bored. i don't like this layout. i haven't finished it cause i don't like it anymore. thinking about getting another piercing, but i don't know where. if i get it around my face, i might get fired here. but what's the point of a piercing you can't see? and that's it. im just here at work, bored, with someone in my mind and i can't get him out. sometimes i don't like my imagination. im just too good at imagining things. if i wasn't, i would sit here and be able to work, but i can't cause he's in my head. when i drive, when i sleep, when i eat, in class.... it's ridiculous. like when i was positively sure that i would be with tim curry. but i can't convince my head that it's not to be. i'll just have to wait until the next crush comes along. he's not even thatcute. the other one is, though.

march 30, 2001
9:41 am

I hate dreaming about people. then i feel all awkaward around them. especially when it's people i work with. like they know im dreaming about them. and now i think about them all the time and i can't stop. oh, dear.

i made oatmeal cookies and iced cappacinos yesterday with jenny and chris. my mom made me give the neighbors cookies cause they let her call the locksmith the other day. and since it was MY fault and all, i had to make them and take them over. i put them too close and after they were done, it was one giant cookie. then we sat on the couch and goofed off while watching tv.

march 29, 2001
coffee, coffee everywhere and not a sip to drink.

there's a coffee bar that opened today. the university, forgetting this is an institution of learning not a business endeavor has opened another coffee bar. not starbucks this time. java master. and why am i mad? aside from making my job harder, i can't drink it. can't have caffine, cream, or sugar. therefore, no coffee. i know they sell other things, but i can only smell the coffee. mmmmm.....

last night was fun. we had two new people in bible study. it just keeps getting bigger. we studied our personalities. we're learning about how God made us and each week we learn about a different aspect. it's called, shape.
spiritual gifts

other than that, i've been playing with my pager. i've gotten 5 pages. two of them were me trying to reach my voicemail. one was my mom testing it, one was me telling myself i love me (143), and then chris bootycalled me (69), but as a joke. im scared i'll forget it's on or something and it'll go off in class.

i can still feel what must be the gel cap of my pill from earlier in my throat. *hack*

march 28, 2001
should never have left home yesterday

i looked at my keys as i left and thought of taking them. but i figured i didn't need them. then later, at waffle house as i was picking off the bread from my undercooked burger, my mom called. she was P I S S E D. she wanted to know where my house key was. um, on the kitchen table. she told me that i had locked the garage door. apparently, i have the "bad" habit of locking doors behind me. cause now, we were locked out of the house. she hung up on me. so i just ate my hasbrowns and bread; amusing myself with watching chris and i on the security surveilence videos. i didn't want to go home til i had allowed enough time for my mom to call the locksmith. so we went to bestbuy and i bought a pager. whoo-hoo!! i hate the obsession and pressure society puts on us to be accountable to everyone at every moment of our existence. sometimes you don't want to be found, you know? but i got one cause emily has one and im a wannabe like that.

last night wasn't too bad. the locksmith only charged about $50 and after work today my mom and i are making 100 copies of the housekey at WalMart. Because I AM THE ONLY ONE WITH A HOUSEKEY. yet it was MY fault when they got locked out. how stupid are they? oh well. bible study is tonight and i think we're going to a mexican restaurant. yummy.

march 27, 2001

for once i wake up without having had any dreams about co-workers. or, i don't remember any anyway. since im at work for 6 hours today, im gonna work on moving everything to the new layout. be back later

still converting.

while messing around, i found Melissa from real world's site. i found it through a link of a link. and i haven't done much else. i did succesfully swallow my amino acid things. That's right, no pills rupturing in my throat sending a cloud of acids out my nostrils today. some people still don't believe that ever happened, but i assure you it did. my nostrils were burning for, like, half an hour.

i've got it.

the syphylls bug. NO, wait, that wasn't it. im gonna make a list of all my most embaressing moments. why? because i like self-inflicted pain? no. to cheer up whoever reads them. i don't really mind people knowing. the embaressment part already passed anyway and i believe God wants us to learn through our experiences. or to teach others not to be stupid, too. or to console them. it's ok, i once peed in a box, too.

so this will be my tuesday project. every tues im here for-freaking-ever. i'll try to add at least one every week.

whoo-hoo!! project!!

march 26, 2001

hooray for the first day of classes. both my mother and i overslept today, though. went to one class so far. after work i have two more classes then i get to spend a few hundred dollars on stupid books that they prolly won't even buyback at the end of the quarter. other than that nothing exciting. i had a weird dream about someone i work with. he had a mansion and i was there and teaching his younger bro (i don't even know if he has siblings) algebra. maybe naked. then it turned Survivor-ish only w/o an audience. Josh cut open a rat and showed me the mouse inside that you're not supposed to eat. weird.

march 25, 2001

working on v.5 already. i'd link up an example, but it's changing every minute. work is busier than last week since the new quarter starts tomorrow. im taking a spanish and two textile classes. hooray.

i saw bring it on yesterday and it was ok. chris is still convinced that i was a cheerleader in high school even though i insist i was nowhere close to being one. i was a writer. i was in plays and sang in concerts. i toured with another choir. played in a graveyard with the historical society. volunteered with NHS. but i was never a cheerleader.

as i was falling asleep, i was entranced by the cuties on PBS. the band is nickel's creek and aside from the chick and the old guy on cello, the other two guys were babes.

parte dos

i like this layout. much simpler and loads quicker. plus, no borrowed graffics. my highlight of the day was nothing more than stealthly sneaking a tampon from my coat and tip toeing to the potty. no one noticed. then i got stared at for a good 5 minutes by an incoming freshman. must be my deoderant that attracks all the staring lately. i should switch.
time to go home soon. yeah.

March 24, 2001

Pain. My stomach. Every inch of gut. My lower back. My boobies. All over my chest so it's hard to breathe. I think it's so stupid. I may not even ever have kids (nor ever want them) and I still have to go through, like, 420 periods. I swallowed a million advil as soon as i got the chance. like a madwoman.

im kind of in a bad mood. we were supposed to take pics today for the church and we were signed up for 11:40am but didn't get in til like 12:20. Afterward I had to run home. why? I'll tell you why!!

On the ONLY day since last fall that I actually wear light colored pants I start my freaking period early. So I had to go home and change and gorge on advil. And, my lunch hour turned into an hour and a half lunch break and I didn't even get to eat at all!! AND, i forgot to get change at the bank like my boss asked me to. I had forgotten about the $150 in my pocket. And it's so obvious to everyone why I came back to work in a different pair of pants because earlier I had gone to the potty and came back, grabbed my coat and then went back. I am such a loser, you know that?

Ok. So yesterday Kristin and I and Chris watched a video and made virgin daquari's and kristin and my mom and I had been shopping earlier. It was a good day. I was a little mad at chris for not massaging my leg and not giving me a bite of his taco. This can be blamed on PMS. On thurs I also broke up with him twice. PMS I know I hate the cliche. But honestly, every month the week before p-day, I break up with him just about every time. I never had this before i moved to the midwest and blame all my shortcomings on this horrible place.

Jessica Alba and that guy were in my dream again. In a limo with an old lady and she kissed him removing a tracker on his tongue and threw it out the window.

I'd better go. I think one of my bosses is coming.

updating. about an hour til i go home. im a time bomb. since breakfast ive only had soda and chocolate. insulin may be high. but i think i can control it. i heard an awesome band yesterday. Alien Ant Farm. they do a cover of Michael Jackson's smooth crimminal. Don't laugh. There was something comforting in the familiarity. Made me feel like I was 10yrs old again. Anyway. the million advil i took finally kicked in right as I was finishing the last "entry". Thank goodness. Dizzy from the sugar, but otherwise good. Oh yes, and today I bought a "Biker in Training" t-shirt!! whoo-hooo!! might wear it to church tonight.

March 23, 2001
I got in such a bad mood yesterday. I thought I ate well so I don't know what it was. I took my supplements and some other thing I was supposed to take and I still felt the same. Then, for no reason, I all of a sudden felt better. I was so depressed cause someone yelled at me and I hate being in trouble. And because I didn't get my way. I can be selfish.

But then I was better and Chris's mom had an extra ticket for an Empty Bowls dinner which somehow helps poor people. When you get there to eat you can pick out a clay bowl made by the students at the high school. The one I got was really pretty and I'm sure the girl who made it was hoping her parents would pick it out for her. So I hid it in my pocket to prevent some high school girl coming after me. My bowl now.

Afterward I went to Walmart with Chris. We got ice cream and Chris hated his. So I gave him mine and I ate his nasty death by chocolate. i guess that's love. sacrifcing the best strawberry ice cream I had ever tasted.

I'm uploading pics of my christmas tree later today. just in case noone believes me.

can you tell im bored? I always play with my html and adobe when I am.

parte dos

i think i really like this. maybe i'll clean it up a bit and make it my new layout. whaddya think? you like that picture up there enough? maybe i'll use another one.

March 22, 2001

MACS suck. Because of that the rest of march will have to be archived. I got the PC today but then the guy I work with just sat in front of the mac like staring at me not doing ANYTHING. So finally I was like, you want the pc? and he was like, yeah. so i gave it up just cause he looked all pathetic just sitting there.

I hate macs, especially the key boards.

Jenny and I got our hair dyed yesterday. Mine came out really dark. I had forgotten my natural color was so close to black. Jenny got hers done red. looks really good.

not much else. im doing something perfectly evil right now. i hope it works. other than that, im sitting here with a wedige i can't pick cause im at work. im also trying to forget a freaky dream I had about one of my managers from one of my jobs. Not freaky like that, nasty. freaky, like, just freaky I would dream about him at all.

bible study was fun last night. we got another new person. a volunteer firefighter. Mmmmmm......

March 20, 2001
I had some weird dream that I was arguing some biblical theories with an ex I despise.

Yesterday was nice. I talked to a lady in the church about career stuff and a personality test. I'm ENFP which is Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive. My dad is my exact opposite cause he's: Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. WE discussed all sorts of things like my personality and career choices, and God's sign and she said that it looks like I was meant to be a designer.

Then I drove Jenny to work cause she was at the chuch and as long as I was leaving I told her mom I'd drive her. On our way out, walked by a salon and went inside. It'll only be $38 as opposed to $65 to dye my hair so we both made appts. for tomorrow. Then I went home, ate a bunch while watching TLC, and then went to the Dr. Afterward I went to the RiteAid in the next town cause I had to buy something embarassing. AS I walked around the store trying to not be obvious about it, I picked up a few things so people would think I was just doing a little shopping, and that I hadn't gone there to buy that one thing. I ended up spending over $30 but I was just happy I was able to be rung up by an old lady. OF COURSE, on my way out, I set off the alarms and some young, cute guy (that may have been following me around as suspicious as I acted or maybe just liked me) was the one to come up to me to check my bag. He just looked inside and was like, "Oh. Yeah, you're fine." and walked my bag through. I don't think I was as attractive as I may have been before he saw the contents of my bag.

When I got home I watched Meet the Parents twice and when CHris got home he said we were going to Waffle House but instead we went to Ruby Tuesday's. He said it was a suprise dinner for our anniverrsary. Late Anniversary. Which is weird cause the last one we had was our 1 yr 7mo. anniv., but I didn't complain. Twas lots of fun.

And I guess that's it for now. I Have to work 7 1/2 hours today so I'm gonna pace my entries today.

parte dos

Yes, I am well aware that updating so often is evident of having no life, but see if I care.

We just had firemen running around the building and we had to evacuate for another false alarm. I've had to do this 3 times this quarter.

parte tres

1:51pmBad Mood. Here's why.
I don't like eating anywhere near people I don't know well. Been here over seven hours- STARVED.

need to go potty

chair is broken. must raise arms to type on awkward mac keyboard. the keys are too close together and makes my hands cramp up.

still pissed that I messed up my journal page today.

library thinks I still have a book out which I returned WEEKS ago.

tuition due today. paying the school always makes me mad.

hate hair

broke out

lab is humid

just read someone's opinion of foreigners here in US. She called herself a NATIVE. She's some stupid white girl that thinks people should go back to their own countries or assimilate to her own white culture. How fucking ignorant is she? I know people that REALLY ARE natives and prefer a language other than english. I'm pissed that my blood sugar is REALLY low right now and if I'm not careful, my insulin will go to high when I have lunch and everyone will say, well, she's only pissed cause of her blood sugar. No, I'm pissed because I'm pissed. Out of room.

March 18, 2001
I nearly peed my pants I was so excited.

So I finally figure out how to use my camera. And now, I don't know how to delete the pictures so I can take more. Oh well. no big deal. Because at least now I can use my Christmas present. So now I really want a new layout. One where I can finally not have to give credit to people. I want to create not only the HTML, but start from scratch with all my icons.

I just erased all my pics so now I can take new ones. I love this camera!!!

Church was great last night. I sat by Brandi and Matt and Chris. They're really nice people. They had all my fave songs, the message was fun and applicable to my life, and the message was funnie, too. Afterward Chris and I got pizza and watched tv. My sis had a sleepover. I even got a free ticket to rent Meet the Parents cause blockbuster was out. I acted really horrible to chris last night, though. I may have had more sugar than I should have. Other than that, the weekend so far has been perfect.


How did I live without this camera?! Thank you so much, mom!!

I've also got an idea for my next layout. I love it.

March 17, 2001
My dad finally got home yesterday after 2 days of trying.
Never Fly NorthWest. trust me.

Lately I can't stop craving two things. One: hotdog with relish, mustard, and saurkraut. And, Two: a three-way. Spagettii, chili (not real chili, what northerners consider chili is sweet with cinnamon and nutmeg. I fight with them about this all the time cause im from TX), and shredded cheese. I've been twice this week and I want to go there for lunch today. Mmmmmmmm......

As much work as I've done today in the museum, I can't believe it's only been 2 1/2 hours. Oh well. Only an hour til lunch.

I'm gonna try to FINALLY get my digital camera set up tomorrow. And I can't think of anymore updates. Cept for my sister's cat falling in the toilet yesterday after I peed. I think she thought the lid was down so she jumped up right into the bowl. Stupid cat.

I had a long dream last night. I woke up every hour and when I went back to sleep, it was a continuation of the same dream. It was like a survivor thing only it wasn't on tv. at one point we were living in a drug store and i found out that our goal was to live the right life and we'd be able to become dolls and that would be the ultimate goal. I found this out after climbing a wall and looking out. Turns out we were only one group of many, but all the others were piled on a table as barbie dolls. it was like death, but the good kind. if that makes sense. and our spaces were backyards. like the ones in my neighborhood in VA.

parte dos

40 min til I can go home. Chris visited me here at work today. He was moving his dad into his new apartment all day. After church tonight, we're gonna go out to eat. Then, maybe midnight bowling. Some friends invited us. But there'll be lots of drunks out tonight. Lots of drunks pissing green.

Somewhere around 4am this morning I awoke with a revelation. This Chris-like character was in my dream and I loved him and wanted to be with him. I also remembered everything my grandmother said about Chris and he's the only b/f she's ever really, really liked. She's met him once, but she's always talking about him. It's prolly a sign to marry him. I can't understand why it is that some nights I must wake up every hour on the hour. I have weird sleep habits sometimes. Like, for the past three weeks, whenever I wake up, the bottom blanket is always on the floor while the three that were on top of it are still on the bed. Even when I tuck the bottom blanket in, it's always on the floor in the morning. Oh yes, and it's not like I move around a lot cause the cats sleep on my bed at night and I don't think I could be kicking them around and not know it.

I'm so bored. 30 min til I leave to go to church.

March 16, 2001
back still hurts. networking work all morning. just barely got on 10 min before my shift ends. someone died yesterday and my dad's flight was delayed. they were de-icing the wings but the truck driver hit the back of the pkane, broke the mechanical arm, and the guy de-icing fell onto the wing, then the ground and was critically injured. at the time, they weren't sure if he would die but thought he would. everyone on the plane felt the plane shake as it happened and freaked. the stewardesses, were like Ahhhhh!

March 15, 2001
Ow, my back hurts. Feels like two lumbar vertebrae are pinching a nerve. Makes me walk funnie and when I sit it has to be straight up and I can barely do stairs.

Last night was really fun. Had three new people at bible study. We took this survey and figured out what our Spiritual Gifts were. My two were Miracles and Compassion. I was also the only one to get any kind of score at all in tongues.
hagder hnefouha jklahduh noiahdj

Afterward Emily said she had never seen Left Behind so She, Jenny, Kristin and I watched it after the others left. Kristin had to leave early to see her b/f and I fell asleep on Jenny. I had thrown soem huge pillows on her to lean over but went right to sleep. Only waking up during the credits. It was only like midnight, too. Sleeping in front of people is awkward, I mean, what if I fart during my sleep? It s not like I would know about this problem. And maybe they're too embaressed to tell me.

Had a prob with a guy staring yesterday. I still don't get it. I'm wearing baggy pants and a big coat with a baseball cap because I didn't shower and some guy is STARING. He was at a red light and I was on the sidewalk waiting for the bus. Then the light turned green and he stayed, staring. 7 seconds later he begins pulling foward, but is still staring. So I flick him off and then he speeds away. Then some guy on the bus wouldn't stop talking to me. I even tried being rude. Whenever people find out that I study spanish or that I'm mexican, they start talking to me about how they know some stuff in Spanish, too. It's really awkward when they're guys and they start saying stuff like, "Tu es muy bonita" And I know it'd be rude to correct them, but I just smile and try to find the article in my magazine I was reading.

I got to see Unbreakable yesterday with Chris. It was w e i r d. I knew there was something up with samuel l jackson cause of that metalic, purple silk-lined coat of his. And I guess that's it. First day of spring break and here I am at work.


parte dos

Ok, seriously!! My back is preventing me from standing up straight! I went to the bathroom to check it out and i look stupid. I'm leaning foward cause it hurts (not like pain, but it some weird way) to straighten out. I even had to adjust my chair so I'm sitting at a perfect 90 degree angle. What the heck messed up my back?! Let's see. It could have been lifting my sewing machine. But I do that all the time and have never had this prob before. Yes, I lift with my back (horrible habit, im told) but my back is really strong after all these years of doing that (can this happen?). It most likely was sewing. I sit on the floor because my mom won't fix the sewing room yet. So, sitting up with one leg up around my head seems like the culprit- EXCEPT that it didn't hurt until the middle of the next day. Now here is what it may have been. It started hurting right after Chris and I left teh theatre. We were really getting it on in these weird positions- Hold up now. You know I wouldn't do that! I may have been slouching in my seat. You know, legs up on the chair in front and sunken down into my seat with nachos, popcorn, and reese's pieces. When I walk, I look like I'm walking against the wind. Like a cross between a hunchback lady and a penguin.

March 14, 2001
I just woke up. I was sleeping on campus and still have an hour til my exam, but i don't wanna go back to sleep. I had one of those things where you are thinking and you can barely open your eyes but you're like paralyzed. I could barely see cause my eyes were open just a bit. And I tried to move but I couldn't and there were all these voices and I thought, oh crap, there's an orientation going on and here I am asleep on the couch! And I kept trying to get up and jerk myself out of it but I couldn't. I don't know how I eventually got out of it but when I did, there was only one other person in the lobby and I wonder why it sounded like there was a bunch of people. I hate those things when you can't wake up.

Even though I have some time. I'm not gonna study. I'm just ready for this quarter to end. I got a car window rolled up on my hand this morning. My mom wanted me to fix the mirror so I put my breakfast down and stuck my hand out. Then my mom started rolling it up and I was like, "ow...OW.... OW, OW! It hurt.

Ok. gonna go. after I breeze through this exam, I'm catching a bus into another town to meet Chris and see a matinee movie. Maybe have a three way. I am so in the mood for one. I'm addicted now. I even have a frequent guest card and am one punch away from a free meal.

March 13, 2001
Day 78 of Christmas Hostage Situation

If I actually looked foward to my days, I wouldn't have such a hard time waking up. At Bridgewater, I never overslept. I always jumped out of bed with my alarm and never thought about sneaking back under the covers. Nowadays, (like this morning for example) I hit the snooze three times. After the third time I prop up on some pillows and pep-talk myself. Come on now. You've barely got time to shower. It's not that bad. It's only a few hours of work today and then you can come back home. I usually sleep for a minute or two after that then eventually get out of bed. Staring at my warm bed as I get ready. I guess at Bridgewater, I didn't have the hour commute. Nor the two jobs. I didn't even work over there. Plus, I always went straight to the cafeteria right when it opened. Mmmmmm, homefries and biscuits and gravy with grape juice. Now, my brekfast is whatever leftovers I can find in the fridge. We didn't have any today so I just had a protein shake made with rice beverage. Mmmm!!! (actually wasn't that bad). If I didn't work so much and have 10 hours of commuting every week, I think I'd look foward to my days more.

Let's see, what else....Oh yes, my most interesting moment of Monday. That would have to be going to the bathroom and then discovering there was no toilet paper. So I had to walk around the upstairs with my pants around my ankles and my sweater pulled down in front looking for that jumbo pack of toilet paper from some wholesale place. Don't you love it when I share these stories with you?

Then I went to Chris's and we watched Road Trip again. Was lots of fun.

March 12, 2001

Awkward moment of the day: standing underneath two birds doing it on the library.
Awkward moment of Saturday: having a man come to the counter in a shirt that had two lizzards having sex in EVERY position possible. I doubt lizzards can actually do most of the things depicted on the t-shirt.

I did 4 loads of laundry yesterday and cleaned my room- all in the name of procrastination. I also watched a bunch of tv. I came up with a plan to bribe myself into excercsing. For every 1/2 hour I do it, I get $5 to spend however I want- guilt-free. So, have I excercsied yet? Absolutely not. I just can't bring myself around to it. Even when there are all sorts of machines just downstairs, with a tv in front of them. Even then, I won't even creep down to the treadmill. I just watched tv while folding laundry.

Nothing else going on. I have an exam today and a little bit of work. I'm really dizzy right now. Oh, and I had a 3-way last night.

A 3-way from Skyline. hee-hee.

Hello, and welcome to:
Operation: Rudolph

For those of you just joining us today, Operation: Rudolph is a covert mission to seek and destroy all homes which still have christmas lights up. Those of you who were just called in have been asked to help on one home in particular. The home of Backyard Celebrity not only has lights on her house, but a fully decorated Christmas tree in her living room window! By fully decorated we, of course, mean angel on top, tinsel, ornaments, and lights which are still plugged in on special ocasions.
Some of you will not come back alive. Many of those who do return will not be able to return to active duty. This is a brave cause, men. God speed!

You know what, yeah my tree is till up. But I just don't see what the big deal is!!!!

parte dos

Got an A on that 7-page paper than I wrote in 3-5 hours. Yipee!
One exam down and only one more to go. Ahhhh. This is all so easy. I almost convinced myself that all the walking I've done today constitutes a 30 min workout and that $5 I'm bribing myself with. But I walk everyday, so it wouldn't really count. I know exactly what I'm gonna get once I excercise enough:
Must dye hair- $65 13* 30 min. excercises.
Must buy pink jeweled curved barbell- $35 7*
Get nails done- $30 6*
So, you can see I have lots of work to do.

March 10, 2001

Darnit. I messed up. I am supposed to be getting over things and working on getting so mad all the time. So I had this hypnosis-like thing last night. But as I was supposed to be imaging some scene, I was concentrating on how I would answer her questions afterward. So I missed out on whatever fixing was supposed to occur. I still don't think there's anything wrong with being this avenger of injustice. Ran errands yesterday and slept. Then Chris came over from work and we just slept on the couch.

The computer at work is still messed up so I have to wait for my boss to get done with his e-mail then I'll have to move over to his and enter data.

Had a weird dream. a bunch of girls on a bus going somewhere. a lake. long line to go potty. being banned from any other panels. and a weird frog jumping around. oh, and a girl who had large pieces of poop on her hand, like they were her fingers. this was disturbing. I also told josh about how much I miss the mountains, the lakes, the woods, valleys- everything about VA. Especially the ocean. I hate being landlocked.

March 9, 2001

I hardly have anything to say today. I was in such pain this morning I took some kind of blue pills and now I can hardly stay awake. My eyelids are warm and heavy. I've got about three hours of work left. Then, I have to drive all the way home. I have a Dr appt at 3pm and as long as I'm in that area, I'm gonna pick up more pills and visit my bank's new building. I slept late today. I kept hitting my snooze thinking that I was recording each time the notepad was used for a purpose other than notes. There were a bunch of nervous business men who thought I would beat them up for never using notepad for notes. But I had a glittery pouch around my neck and that's where I was keeping count. I was too late to shower, and it was too cold to be naked anyway. So I dressed like a doof in half clean clothes promising myself I would shower as soon as I got home. And do laundry. And that's it. I'm too tired to write more.

Oh, wait. My bro is in trouble with the navy and is in norfolk right now being denied all sorts of priviledges. I finished a quilt last night VERY quickly and it'll be for my aunt. It's a queen size. the biggest quilt i ever made and it was prolly the quickest to do. I machine quilted the top which I've never done before. I just have to finish my grandmother's (which will prolly all be done by hand) and then I can send them a package. I'm gonna send some funnie pics, too.

I keep moving around, like swaying. I feel like I'll fall out of my chair. I don't even think it was nighttime medicine.

March 8, 2001

I got it figured out. I live in some kind of time-continueum where holidays never end.
Point One: My flowers I got for V-day are still alive and beautiful. I've had them for over three weeks.
Point Two: Our Christmas tree is still up and decorated and is lit at least once a week. There's a santa in the family room, my mom's Christmas snowglobes, and lights on the porch.

Do you see what I'm getting at? My house is somehow looping continuously through these holidays. Maybe I should call NASA.

Bible Study was so much fun yesterday that we didn't even get around to studying the bible. We had a lasagna dinner and ate and talked for and hour and a half. At 9pm we realized that it was too late so just prayed and talked some more. We talked about all the gay Sesame Street characters (bert& ernie, big bird& snuffleufagus...)about Steve from Blue's Clues being gay, about Bob Ross....it was cool, though. I'm also finding more and more how much the other girls and I have in common which is weird cause I usually never like girls. They were always too shallow, prissy, conceited, and so forth. But the more I hang out with them, the more they seem just like me. The girls from the group and I are getting together in about a week to start working on a wedding gift for the group leader. I wanted to watch the Texas Chainsaw Masacre while we worked, but I was the only one.

March 7, 2001

Know what I hate most about bulimics? Their disrespect. I should not have to be forced to use a bathroom that smells like puke. If they're just gonna throw it up anyway, they shouldn't even eat. Yes, I know it's mean to say cause it's a condition, but they could at least be nice about it. If I had diarhea, I wouldn't go in the most used toilet on campus. I'd find a potty on the 14th floor of the library or something.

There, that was my rant for the day.

Yesterday was pretty fun. I was running around campus helping out in different labs because the one I was supposed to be in was swarming with termites. They had come throught he wall and apparently, it was not pretty. It's disgusting to think that all this time I've been sitting in that lab with millions of bugs in the walls around me. When I got home, my new issue of Jane was waiting for me then I settled in for a night of TV. Then they were interviewing that guy that killed two people on Monday. I thought of how much I'd like to beat him to death, but I also felt really sorry for him. That's what my bro looks like, BTW, only with less facial hair and thinner eyebrows. It made me think of him and how much of a retard he's been lately. Then I saw that movie on MTV about the murder of Matthew Shepard and I cried like 50 times during the movie. I wanted to kill that f*ckin redneck that beat him. And bash the girls' heads against walls for being so stupid and protecting those murderers. If you can't tell, I didn't take my pills and didn't have enough to eat which is why I was feeling so violent and emotional. I got so depressed after watching that. I thought life looked so bleak and I didn't know the point of living.

I hate HATE. Any kind. I hate homophobics and xenophobics (fear of foreigners). How can you hate someone just because they're different? How can you say you're a Christian and not think someone deserves to go to Heaven? We're ALL sinners. That the whole point of being a Christian. The fact that we're not perfect and we NEEDED Christ to get to heaven. WE need him and they need him. You are no better than anyone else. A sin is a sin.

We can't help that we lie sometimes. We can't always prevent ourselves from lusting and that's the point. It's the legacy of sin we've inherited. Why would you CHOOSE to be ridiculed and hated and thrown from your family? You wouldn't!! That's the whole bloody point!! Homosexuals don't choose to be that way!! They ARE that way!! If every man wants a woman, why would you choose to be with a man?? This isn't a choice they make!! It's what they feel. Premarital sex is a sin. But teens everywhere are doing it. Are you going to crucify them like homosexuals for their sexual deviance?

People need to realize that we're all the same. No one is better than anyone else. Don't hate diversity of any kind.

March 6, 2001

I can't believe I got a 7 page paper done so quickly yesterday. When things are this easy for me, how am I ever gonna learn that procrastination is bad? Maybe the only reason I got it done was because I prayed so hard right before.

Chris and I had Dairy Queen last night and watched TV at his apartment. It was fun just sitting there on his couch and laughing. I don't know why people go through so much trouble to impress each other sometimes. I think, that right from the start you should just be who you are. Hold back on the farting until the third date, but don't dress yourself up nicer than you usually do. I am totally myself on dates. And I usually have tons of fun. Or, I think I did....It's been a while since I've had the chance. I like dates. I wonder if Chris will let me go on one.

I decided this morning to stay and work during spring break which makes me feel guilty. I want to see my grandmother in TX, but it would be almost $200 and I should prolly stay to work on paying off satan (discover card). I miss her and I'm afraid she'll think I don't want to see her because I chose work over her. I think I'll make it up to her by finishing up her quilt really quickly and expressing it to her. She's such an awesome woman.

March 5, 2001

Well, I did absolutely nothing over the weekend. I didn't do that 5-7 page paper due today. I have 4 hours to write it. I wish I had at least written a rough draft. Because I type sorta slowly, I gotta go. And, because I have no idea what I'm gonna write yet, I'd better go. Better update tomorrow.

parte dos

Within two hours of typing the paper I already had 5 1/2 pages. I just turned it in. So now I have nothing else to do until exams next week. It's snowing alot right now.

I was almost breathed on by a booger in class today. I was sitting in the very front of class so I always get a good view of what's cooking in my teacher's nostrils. He had a biggin' today, folks! You know the kind that move so gently in and out as you breathe but never actually snart out? Well he came pretty close to snarting today. But he didn't. So I guess that's my interesting thing for today.

Oh yes, and Chris had a revelation. The quilt I made him, for the first time ever, was on the floor Sat morning instead of on the bed like it always is. Later that day I was on the phone with A. and he was like, Ah, I see, these are signs that I should not propose to her on Sun. So he didn't. The things our quilts tell us...

March 3, 2001

A. called last night and Chris was there so now he knows. I'm so confused. Both are awesome people. I love Chris. But the things A. says are as serious as the things Chris says. I'm with Chris right now so I guess the obvious choice is to choose him. Blah, Blah, Blah.

I'm sick. My nose is all stuffy and I'm breathing through my mouth. Really attractive when I eat. Allergies or Cold; don't know. I also didn't shower today. I took me 20 min to have breakfast and it was cold. I just dind't feel like stripping down to stand under a small stream of hot water as the rest of me covered in goosebumps from the cold air. So I rebraided my hair and sprayed it with hair perfume. I feel sick and I don't really care if my hair gets oily today. I might shower when I get home and then slip into some nice flannel pj's. I still have a 7 page paper and a composition to do for monday, though. The one thing I hate about myself is my procrastination. Takes all the fun out of weekends.

I cleaned the entire downstairs yesterday trying not to start on my paper. It's magnificently beautiful now. I also started on the basement. I came across some really old Creative Writing portfolios from high school. I used to write all the time. In the past year I have only written about 4 poems and a short narrative. My creativity has shifted into sewing, I guess. It's still kinda sad that I lost that passion I once had. I wonder if I'll write again. If my shelves will begin filling with journals of poems and plays and whatever comes into my mind. I should try it; buy a pretty notebook and just write. Once a day.

I'm at work right now and waiting for my boss to finish on his comp so I can go to his and enter data. Oh boy. If I wasn't paid $50 a day to do it, I'd be gone. It sucks. But at least it's easy money.

March 2, 2001

I got to peek into the men's restroom today and was suprised (but in a good way) to see a baby changing table in there! Finally, let the men wipe puke-green terdlettes off the baby's butt.

Bastian needs glasses. I think he does, anyway. How can you not see that you're about to step into your own poop? Well?! Poopy footprints were all over the bathroom, so I decided to just clean the whole room. It took three hours to get that bathroom spotless. Afterward, I was so high from Pine-Sol, Clorox, the blue toilet stuff, and Tilex that I could barely make it downstairs. If I go home and he's stepepd in his poop again, we may be one cat short tomorrow...

March 1, 2001

March 1st and my family still has our Christmas tree standing in the living room. Sometimes when we have guests, we light that baby up. We validated it at Valentines by saying, "Well, there are a lot of angels on the tree and there's some red in there, too." We have a little Santa in the family room and my mom's snowglobe collection on display. I wonder how much longer it'll stay up...

At Bible Study last night we planned what we would eat at next week's. Someone suggested my mom make some mexican food and I laughed in their face. My mother doesn't cook, PERIOD. Let alone Mexican food. It would take about 5 hours to get a decent meal cooked up, at least. She does it maybe once a year. And never for her family. She doesn't even make tortillas, she buys the paper thin ones from the store that taste like paper towels. Not that there's something wrong with not cooking. Goodness know's I'll never learn. So we're having a lasagna dinner. We just don't have someone to bring the lasagna yet. I'll prolly try getting a few people to pitch in for that.

And now I'm really rushed to get my homework done cause I just had to evacuate the library lab for a fire drill. I hate people who pull alarms when I have something I need to do- inside, where it's warm.