this is my personal journal and i put all sorts of stuff up and talk about whatever the hell i want to. it may be offensive, i may talk about you, you may leave.
lots been going on, working on my site, got my nails done and my hair cut both for the first time in like 6 months. decided to be generic and venture forth this weekend as a blood sucking, sexy vampress. the teeth were a bitch to get in from inexperience molding the plastic and because of these long ass nails.
the main reason i havent been blogging is more than likely my nails. so many typos. a few times i got as far as a couple of sentences but the chicken-esque pecking of the keys is annoying. im working on my outfit tonight and so far ive gone as far as:
i had nothing better to do @11:59 PM
Saturday, October 22, 2005
justifide31 (2:16:38 AM): she is too feminei for me
justifide31 (2:16:48 AM): feminie
justifide31 (2:16:51 AM): feminie
justifide31 (2:16:57 AM): feminine
justifide31 (2:17:00 AM): heehee
justifide31 (2:17:17 AM): yes, im drunk! i had nothing better to do @2:16 AM
this is me 2 min ago: "man im fuxckwed up". i cant even chat. an old buddy from work came by today. cute little blonde who runs a makeup counter in a large dept store now. she brought a HUGE bottle of wine with her and it was quickly poured forth. it's cool cause we are so alike yet at the same different cause, well, she;s like 20 years older or so but i love her dearly. it's weird to have girl friends again. im so used to only relating to guys and slowly im finding this awesome collection of women.
i would only date a woman if she was masculine, could provide for a family, and was a hot. upon discussion just now, i have concluded that this is a viable alternative to conventional relationships i have encounted thus far. i can picture her. she would have very short hair, dirty blonde. she'd be white and like a lawyer. and i would be able to decorate the house however i want and she would love going down on me.
now im getting curious
i had nothing better to do @2:02 AM
Thursday, October 20, 2005
i kept bringing my fingers to my nose trying to place the scent. smelled like jager but how the hell could that have happened? as the room slowly filled with the slightly nauseating aroma of fine liqour i realized it was my new cinnamon/ vanilla candle. but thats what you get when you forgo Yankee Candle for Family Dollar brand. i had nothing better to do @1:41 AM
more and more i see how im being led away from my job by frustrations and lack of money then being pushed toward making art by lucky coincidences and orders always waiting to be filled. huh....
work was slow as poo as well as being overrun by girls. i had one customer all day but made enough to pay the bills. i sound like a prostitute. anyway, by the end of the day, i'd gotten orders for three necklaces and a rosary as well as having to meet a girl about a bellychain. at least i got some free chocolate martinis out of having to go in and when i got home i was met by a delicious meal of fried porkchops, asparagus, fried rice, sauteed mushrooms and butternut squash for dessert. ooooooo....dinner is one of my favorite meals. and actually it's two of my meals since breakfast is always a big plate of leftovers.
my tattoo is at the itchy stage and i cheat by pressing my fingernails into the flesh and rubbing really hard with just the tips; i cant stand not scratching!!! i love the way it came out though.
i had nothing better to do @12:37 AM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
id say its a good idea to slow down on the boozin. picking up male strippers and raging fights are just not what i want. i just dont function as well when running on whiskey.
today i went to pick my pumpkin and also got some squash. i love butternut with brown sugar in the oven. that and acorn. mmmm, then we went to a fruit farm and picked up a dutch apple pie.
i had nothing better to do @7:31 PM
Monday, October 17, 2005
day from hell.
for hours no one comes into the club. two guys come in and arent spending money, just enoying the view; cheap asses. when someone does finally come in he's all over me, trying to kiss my neck and wrap his arms around me and i force his hands off of my chair. eventually i tell him to his face, i will never sleep with you and im not looking for anyone to date. and i walk away. he still pursues me and i brush him off. so i start drinking, whiskey and jager. i hate going in now. all of a sudden i just cant stand that place. i leave the second i can although this one guy was practically begging me to stay to "hold his hand". im there to make money, not to let other men put their hands and mouths all over my fucking body. i told him no and when he persisted told him he was no better than a man trying to cop a feel. im not there to hold your hand, loser. but you gotta say it "nice" so they come back and you dont look like a bitch. im so tired of these assholes.
when i got home, yeah i was a little drunk, but still, i just wanted to tell my b/f and vent for a bit but of course it turns into a fight right there in the driveway. it escalates, he calls me a stupid mexican, a cunt, and a stupid slut. breaks shit and storms out. i am feeling so low right now. i hate this whole place. this whole city is hell. i feel powerless and alone.
i had nothing better to do @8:48 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2005
this is pedro and his stripper. pedro is from SC from this weird chain of souvenior shops that line the coast down to FL. he was only a buck so i picked him up. the stripper is yolanda.
i had nothing better to do @7:51 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005
i dont ever want to drink again, ugh.
a few girls called me to go to a male review and on the way we stopped at a bar. then after the male strippers we went to see female strippers and stayed til close. the night is slowly coming back in bits and pieces.
i should have known the night would be crazy when one of the girls jumped up on a car and rode it back to my place in front of cops. i cant even write right now. oh, and i got a new tattoo on thurs
i had nothing better to do @3:15 PM
Thursday, October 13, 2005
i am part of the world again!! ah, cable...
i just saw this commercial on tv about some up and coming band and the guy says something about how he will do it all with the help of Coke. Coke is gonna make it happen. my mouth dropped and then the Coca Cola logo came on.
i had nothing better to do @11:11 AM
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
i dreamt i was in puerto rico and i didnt want to leave. i went through a vintage shop where i was thrilled to find photo albums and journals from a girl that was born in the 40's. i eagerly picked it all up and went to the front of the store where i tried to geta cheaper price for it all. i also remember my teeth falling out and not knowing it was a dream. as always i tried desperately to keep all the fragments in my hands or in a bowl. i cried so much and every time i tried to talk more pieces fell out. my two font teeth were completely gone.
i've read about dreams where your teeth fall out before. it has to do with insecurity. which i guess lately would correspond to weight gain. two years ago i was a consistent 108, at the beginning of the summer i went in as 117 and now im 126. i wouldnt notice so much if i wasnt down to three pairs of pants that fit, and i wouldnt care so much if my job werent so dependent on looks. on the plus side, i hear that in the voting i am pulling ahead and have a good chance of getting in the calander, yeah!!
lately ive been working on being independent. especially since ive never even been alone. it's going pretty well especially since im so excited about my new business. i think it's going to do well.
right now i want to be alone to spend all my time and money on myself.
i havent had sex in like a month which has made for a lot of sex dreams. weird ones. about coworkers. i hate that. its been a problem for years and then i cant look these people in the eyes. especially since the other day i was visiting and having a few drinks when i TOLD one of them. ugh, i was sooo embaressed the next day.
i had nothing better to do @5:14 PM
Sunday, October 09, 2005
oh it's been so crazy! the most important piece of news is that i will soon have interent access at home, yeah! figured out that i want to really give designing a try again and also learned that i want to be single for a while. i need time for me. i shouldnt be wasting my resources on other people that dont even look after me.
i was in an art fair recently and did fabulous and i had a ton of fun. trying to get the website up although i have to use the old format for the meantime.
that's about it for now. writing takes a bit to get back into. like the first wobbly tries again on a bike.
