dancing again and making the big bucks. decent money anyway. it's fun but sometimes you really need to be strong to be around so many beautiful women so that you dont start getting down on yourself. i tried doing some pole tricks the other day but realized that you need a lot of arm strength. i raised myself roughly 2 inches off the ground for 1 second, then came down with a thud only 7 inch heels with over 100 lbs of weight behind them came make. so i decided before i practiced id lift weights or something. no one seems to complain about my dancing so far anyway.
i had nothing better to do @2:49 PM
Monday, August 09, 2004
did lots today. talked to some managers and decided to go back to the club for a bit. hiring a lawyer will make everything lots easier. ive also talked with my landlord instead of running chicken from them like i have been and they're cool. i wrote a post on my birthday so here it is:
If a man says-
I love you, Iíve never felt this way, Youíre beautiful, I want to be with you forever, I want to have kids with you, etc
You are most likely having sex.
Heís goes out to a concert on Friday night that we were BOTH supposed to go to and he says heíll be back in a few hours to get me and weíll go out together.He leaves at 7:30pm and gets in at 7am.ďI got so wasted, babe, Iím sorry.Ēoh, well shucks, thatís ok!!Youíre just a stupid piece of shit and donít know any better.Come on and lay down next to me.I hope your fucking nostrils close up in your sleep and you choke on your vomit.He slept on the couch, AGAIN.
But enough about dip shits.
Iím writing at 12:30am so itís technically my birthday!!(heís out at a bar)I spent 5 hours on Saturday cleaning so that I would get to do nothing but have fun today.Plus, my cat puked last night and I didnít really clean it so well and I felt kind of bad about the half-assed job I did.And the stairs had dish soap on them in the hopes that he would slip on them when he got in.Plus, when I get the money for a U-haul, itís gonna be a lot easier to pack up in a few hours while heís out if everythingís put up where it should be.Less confusion that way.And a ton more for him.
I havenít really thought at all about what I want to do today.I thought of getting a hair cut cause itís been forever since Iíve done that.I might go to a park or something and church.Iím still debating over spending my birthday money on myself cause technically I really should pay rent considering that Iíve got another eviction notice that arrived on Friday.Iím thinking of starting at the club again on Monday.I had planned on going in on Friday but the guy I need to talk to wasnít in.I made a new outfit though and practiced walking in the heels.Iím excited but really nervous, too.What if I donít get tipped?Itís been 5 months since Iíve done a dance, how will I do?Oh well.Iíve got such bad allergies tonight.I have no idea where all this snot comes from.
i had nothing better to do @5:23 PM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
I keep having dreams about attempted murder on my life. over the weekend i dreamt i was in an elavator which was tampered with by someone and it was going way too fast straight up. i dreamt a group of men were after me with guns. last night this girl attacked me with razors and i couldnt fight back. bleeding and in pain i hardly managed to fly away. in a bathroom this man suddenly appeared behind me and tried to take me away. later, a guy was chasing me through a building and i tried to run away, as i did i entered an elevator and wondered if it was safe, remembering the other dream. then i was this girl returning home from magic school to a room i had supposedly grown up in. i was in someone else's body yet it was my mind. then it turned oddly sexual and i woke up.
i cant wait to leave this place. especially my boyfriend. we just arent good together.
i had nothing better to do @2:49 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
im getting really fed up with finding his shit in the house when he's saying he's stopping. i started taking money from him. i figure, fuck him. he's cheating me, i'll cheat him. Even.
kind of just for fun the other day, i checked out a book by Sylvia Browne, you know, the psychic who's always on Montel Williams. it was something about past lives and she gave a ton of examples and the last chapter was how to "go under" and discover your own or those of others and i sooo wanna try it now. i may just be super gullible especially since she's always let it known she's a christian and all. but, our spirit IS eternal and it has to be doing SOMETHING until the end of the world. i am entertaining it.