pull my finger

about this site

this is my personal journal and i put all sorts of stuff up and talk about whatever the hell i want to. it may be offensive, i may talk about you, you may leave.

* e-mail me *

i will never have enough:

luggage, purses, totes
coffee cups, travel mugs, tea
tattoos...well, maybe there's a limit
coats and jackets
craft supplies

Rated G
Vineyard Sermons
Joshua House Sermons
Rated PG-13
The Spark
Celebrity Tattoos
Craig's List
The Onion
Get Crafty
post your secret
Rated R/NC17
BME Body Mod
Suicide Girls
Purity Tests
Ask the Gypsie

today i'm The current mood of melida at www.imood.com

Wednesday, November 27, 2002
is this a scene from some middle eastern country in turmoil? no! it's your local university. say cheese!!

i had nothing better to do @2:44 AM

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

my mom has called me 7 times in less than 24 hours. she keeps making me cry. 4 of her calls i ignored and didnt even pick up. she makes me feel like such a failure. like i cant make my own decisions, get my business started, or even behave. she leaves me feeling retarded. but i guess i am anyway. i dont even feel like doing anything anymore.

i had nothing better to do @5:25 PM

Test Results: from datability to gayness, the results are in

i had nothing better to do @2:06 AM

Sunday, November 24, 2002

tonight, there are police in riot gear, dumsters on fire, light poles in the street, police cussing at anyone walking in the streets to get out, large amounts of pepper spray being dispersed by the police so that people are prevented from going near their homes, and all this for a STUPID FOOTBAL GAME. big deal, people! college kids can be so stupid. i wasnt, but then again i wasnt some stupid rich kid whose mommy and daddy put them trhough school and bought them a car and gave them allowances so they can spend it on drugs and alcohol. i worked for my education and appreciated it. it was never a given that i would go to college and i was up many nights crying and wondering how working 3 part time jobs 7 days a week would pay for my fees. screw those kids. they're all so spoiled and have no idea what they've been given. they act like such children. your school wins a football game so you turn cars that arent your own over and set property on fire? i hope they get arrested. and i dont care who gets hit by the police firing their bean bag guns or whatever, maybe ya'll should be in bed at 4am and not drunken out on the streets throwing stuff. im ashamed to admit on this day that i got my degree from that university.

i had nothing better to do @3:48 AM

Saturday, November 23, 2002

whoo-hoo! connections! i met a guy today who will call me on monday about meeting the two owners of this sweet shop in the busiest shopping area downtown and is giving me the number of a guy that sells beads all over europe. AND he's getting me in contact with two other shops in other cities that would love my stuff. he and the girl that were working there gushed over my work and there was even this guy that owns a shop in Germany there and he was like, "this is really good jewelry. the colors, the designs... even this one, just look at the ethnic feel of it." im so happy. i prayed that tonight would go well before i toted off to sell my ass tonight. im getting to work right now on more pieces. i love when i get motivated from people's positive feedback. in this moment i feel like a real designer.

i had nothing better to do @7:54 PM

last week, on two separate occasions, randall said i was "disturbingly perverted" and that i "think about sex probably even more than [him]"

i had nothing better to do @2:35 AM

day 11 of feeling sick.

i was with friends all day cause meagan came over then rachel called cause she was stranded downtown. she only wanted the bus schedule but i cuoldnt let a pregnant girl ride public transportation, i know how dangerous it can be. so we picked her up and all hung out at randall's til her husband came to get her. then i borrowed some $$$ from randall and went out to run errands. i got some cards to contact buyers first thing in the morning and spoke with a man that has his own company downtown. turns out he's a christian and used to have a band that had #1 singles. he gave us a free cd which was awesome and some tips since both my friend and i are trying to start our own businesses. there are so many gay shops downtown run by men that only like a fourth of the businesses can even carry my jewelry anyway. i get so disappointed when a buyer wont even look at my stuff and says something stupid like, "we're set for the year" or "we only buy our accessories from Victoria's Secret" these stupid shops need to see that people would much rather buy from a local artist than some cheap piece from a catalog that can be ordered in the thousands. it was a tacky store anyway. *pouts* and how can you not rotate your inventory?!

like every month and a half i fall in love again with randall. i always love him but to be IN love is different. i think about him and how wonderful he is and i call him at work to tell him that. he's such an awesome person and i think of alll the things i can do like tickle his back, wash the dishes (not something either one of us does w/o being bribed), or just hug and kiss him as soon as he walks in the door. i might stay here and wait for him instead of going to Washington. sometimes i feel so used cause im just here putting thigns on hold to wait for an answer but other times i see how much he means to me and i know that i'll never find another person like him and so im ok with being here living in my car. he likes tattoos and piercings, loves God, has an active faith, loves to travel, shares my views on child raising, wants to speak spanish, likes to sew, loves art, is so caring and compassionate, and there's just so much more. i cant imagine ever finding all these things again in another man. there are a few thigns i dont like though. his limited diet. he eats, mac & cheese, pizza, cheese ravioli, noodles, 3-ways, and SOME cereals. seriously, that's it. i MISS food. every now and then i'll just cook for myself or go out with his best friend. i wish he loved to clean. man id be set with a man that loved to clean. i wish he could give birth- not something im looking forward to for myself. i wish he would put just a LITTLE bit aside each month into a savings account. this is something we would definately have to talk about if we got married. this includes impulse buys which id want a set allowance for so he wouldnt get like a motorcycle, 16 DVD's and a new tattoo all within like 2 months. he's never bought me jewelry, this will have to change. um... that's about it. we get along really well and have talked about EVERYTHING already. we've talked about marriage, children, homes, God, politics, education, finances.... thigns that people that are married NOW are just getting to. we talked about me making money, him raising our children, breast feeding, discipline, their schooling, prayer.... i think if he was mature enough we'd make like the best married couple. plus, we'd have sex like 10 times a day. i cant wait.

i had nothing better to do @12:24 AM

Thursday, November 21, 2002

oh my goodness. so i get up early today and run out east for a fitting. i meet the shop owner, greet the customer and her daughter while adjusting the bracelet and after about 45 min i go back to my car, look in my rearview mirror and see... boogers!! noooooooo! i always do a check: nose, teeth, eyes, hair before going somewhere but i didnt this morning. then at a redlight my boobie is itchy so i reach into my sweater and im getting it and it's a big one since ive got a wool sweater so my hand is up there for a while. then i look right and this man in a truck is like up against his window STARING. i also decided that i should a) take the crosses down from my rearview mirror or b) stop flicking off/ cussing at the morons on the road. it's just not helping either on of us.

then after meeting with the health insurance man i got randall up to take me to the mall cause it was BRA DAY!! yeah!! so now ive got a pretty bra cause i lost like 3 and even though i rarely wear them i like having them. my size doesnt exist though. it's an in between size so i either go up or down when buying which i hate cause it makes me feel like i'll be struggling to breathe in it or it'll be too big and look stupid. today im gonna make a necklace and learn to strip.

i had nothing better to do @5:25 PM

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

note to self and boyfriend:

after frantically searching for them cause randall was gonna be late to work, we found them in the door... AGAIN. last time the mailman knocked on the door to let us know. i hope we never get a serial killer at the door. i hope it's like the Cleaning Fairy. i would settle for a Cake Fairy or better yet a Boob Fairy. the men upstairs are too loud and i can smell their smoke even. im gonna get those insurance forms today.

i had nothing better to do @4:37 PM

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

im all worked up now. some stupid girl threatened my friend cause she was chatting with her boyfriend, "if you'd like to see thanksgiving, i'd suggest backing off Aaron", and my friend was really upset and i dont think she even said anything back so i took care of it. my friend's the nicest girl in the world who lives 10 states away from him anyway and i hate that some stupid high school girlfriend went after her like that. if i was her, id be threatening my BOYFRIEND for chatting with all these girls in the FIRST PLACE if i thought something was up. hellooooo, guys can have friends, it's not like they're in the middle of the passionate throes of cyber sex. i told her how it was while she was like, " ok then stop talking to me." " you're still talking to me", "then stop talking to me" like what my little sisters did when they were 10 oh, then she threatened to "make strangulation legal". oh no!! seriously!! IM SO SCARED!! AHHHHHHH!! she's gonna make strangulation LEGAL! OH MY GOODNESS!!

hahahahahahhahaha!!! if you're this stupid girl i just talked to who lives in TX and whose boyfriend is Aaron, girl i was never after your man like you accused me of being. im just a friend of a girl you threatened. ok? so how about you take all that energy you needed to make those lame ass threats and beat his? oh, and thanks for calling me a high school drop out. whenever you wanna come up, i'll show you my DEGREE from the second largest UNIVERSITY in the US. and while we're at it maybe even my Dean's List honors. now good luck getting your high school diploma and keeping your straying boy, aaron. like he was ever worth all this.

i had nothing better to do @11:55 PM

im this horrible beast of temptation and manipulation. what a bad person i am.

i know the closer you are to God the farther away you realize you are, but i think im worse than most people find themselves to be. and i know there is no one above me and no one below me but im not sure what sense that is to be in cause i cant imagine a more sinful or hurtful person. im not saying these things out of a sick person's delirium, the fever has been gone for days now but out of this blindess that has been cured so that i may really see what it is i do. i think ive slipped so far away from who i was when i actually did stuff like go to school, work, lead in church... this idle time has stalled me in every sense. i think if anyone knew all i did id be completely alone. i lack discipline in every area and cant stand not having some dominant position. im afraid of not having control in the way things go yet i seek this power in all the wrong ways. i should leave the people around me alone and not bother them anymore. they would suddenly realize a burden lifted from their lives i think.

i had nothing better to do @9:04 PM

Monday, November 18, 2002

i just looked over my shoulder and there's an orange plastic pumpkin staring at me. he's smiling. that's really weird.

so in today's sickness: my head hurts, my neck and shoulders are really tight and im nauseous. adding to my discomfort would be reoccurring bouts of hiccups. when you already want to puke and then this unexpected force from within propels itself outward as happens with a hiccup, you experience a most unpleasant sensation. other than that im trying to figure out what to do. i hate it here. this is the worst state in the 50 and i dont even have a "home" here. the only reason im here is randall cause im waiting for him til he knows what he wants. but it's wrong to live together so- do i move to WA? get my own apt meaning i need a better suorce of income and i'll be stuck for at least 6 mo? go to NC to live with my parents? continue to live with him til he makes up his friggin mind? so many choices. i hate not being able to move foward. if i knew randall and i wouldnt be together id be gone by now but i dont think he'll know what he wants for a long time. i really hate it here. i think i might excercise.

i had nothing better to do @10:17 PM

i still have the cough of death. i missed a show at an art gallery and church because i was in bed hacking my brains out and having weird dreams. if im still sick by the end of the day tomorrow, im finding a free clinic to go to and see why ive been sick for a whole week. free clinics, yes, the epitemy of homlessness. i saw femme fatale tonight and it made me miss being skinny. that hot chick with the diamond thing is like exactly what i looked like cept she had stick legs and no butt and i've got one of those. oh yeah.

i added five thigns to my christmas list and they're all books i saw at barnes and noble. i love art. id be making something right now had i not kicked over half my beads last night then threw the other half in anger. i then started crying which sounded horrendous since im sick. then my nose started bleeding again. im such a mess when im sick. i thought of just using my sister's insurance cause i could do that so easily however insurance fraud may be a felony. when you think of it, i bet a lot of people in prison didnt think what they were doing was so bad. the Dr is gonna get paid anyway and so will the insurance. it doesnt sound like such a big deal however in two days i'll be sitting in a folding chair next to the guy on the street rather than a couch in a nice office.

im rambling. maybe i should start picking up the 50 million beads scattered across randall's living room floor and separating them by color.

i had nothing better to do @2:39 AM

Saturday, November 16, 2002

last night i dreamt that michele pfifer wanted to kiss me but it was like her first time kissing a girl. i think i also had a husband in my dream. my dreams are getting weird.

im still really sick so i dont think we're going to the concert tonight and we postponed dinner with another couple. im doing the thing where it takes like 8 sexonds just to clear your throat and it sounds really nasty. ive got to get more pieces done for the show tomorow. i hope im not sick for it

i had nothing better to do @4:27 PM

i loooove this one. the flower is made of of shell and is like 3-4 inches across. i like big necklaces. and the supoprt is thin but flexible and strong so it fits any neck as a choker. i should buy a domain so i can sell stuff online which would be a lot easier and fun than going to shows and sitting on my butt for 7 hours straight.

i had nothing better to do @4:11 AM

so far tonight i've made 3 or 4 pieces. here is me and randall walking into target using up the last of the film. i love that necklace im wearing. it's this huge Jade piece with glass. i have to sell it on sunday, though. i gots bills to pay. bye bye really cool Asian dragon jade necklace. i wear every thing i sell to make parting just a bit easier and to know that it's strong enough for everyday use.

i had nothing better to do @3:31 AM

here is an example of my work. it's not one of my more elaborate pieces but it's one that i really like cause of the color.

i did a lot today including meeting someone that i dreaded yet at the same time was super curious about. it's such a long story. but have you ever met the girl that's flirted with your boyfriend and has no idea you're his girl? i didnt like, threaten her or anything though. we talked, she really wanted to hang out, and oh yeah, i said i was his fiance. lied? oh yes, but what you you rather me do: lie or pee on randall? im marking my territory, baby.

i had nothing better to do @2:11 AM

Friday, November 15, 2002

ew! when i cough these booger things come in my mouth. oh i hate being sick. i sound like an 80 yr old male smoker. if smokers live that long

so, i dreamt about britney spears last night which is funnie since ive often considered her to be the evil mega b*tch. i think she saw my boob too cause i was wearing this huge tank top and i remember thinking, oh man, i think my boob is showing. it was a very different dream.

i had nothing better to do @11:36 AM

Thursday, November 14, 2002

robitussin is like the best stuff ever. you drink it and like it's all ok.

so im no longer in tons of pain and agony since finding this wonder drug, just really tired and slow. im also tons better since taking a shower this morning at like 1am since i hadnt showered since monday. ew. i have a lot of work to do though cause my weekend is already booked and i have a show and an order coming up. i like saying that. it makes me feel all professional. i havent done my Look Great Naked: Thighs DVD in like 3 weeks so i should do that. had i kept up with it instead of like doing it twice and then quitting, id look great naked by now. that pisses me off. instead im like wearing my boyfriend's pants cause i dont have look great naked thighs or even fit into your own pants thighs.

i had nothing better to do @2:19 PM

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

now my temp is 101.0 im not crying anymore. just humming; i wish someone i knew would call or come over, but it's so late already. i now wish i had health insurance so i could whine to a Dr. as i was falling asleep last night randall said, "i think we're in love" cause there's a difference between being in love and loving someone but i guess we have both. man my back hurts. and my eyes are hot. and my throat hurts. and im so tired. this morning all i had to eat were vitamins and the garlic one got stuck in my swollen throat and the thin coating dissolved and then i exhaled real hard and the garlic powder came out my nose. it was gross. i kept burping garlic and randall said he could smell it from a few feet away. stupid things always happen to me. i wish i had a rocking chair and someone to rock me.

i had nothing better to do @10:35 PM

i feel so sick. my temp is 100.1 now. i miss my mom. i wish she was here to rub my back and make me tea. but she's not here anymore and she's too far away and now i cant stop crying.

i had nothing better to do @9:28 PM

im a wuss when im sick. im 99.9 degrees F. poor me. im pouting

i had nothing better to do @5:36 PM

im sick. im all tired and owie. yucky. in my dream i was feeding a dead kitten to some animal and my sis kept getting mad and there were weird weeds everywhere. then i was this girl in some choir that liked another girl that liked me but in the end she went with the popular girls cause she was scared of not being liked by them and i got mad and drove really fast to this catholic school at night and went into a huge room, found a corner and cried and prayed there. then this other girl that was black came in to comfort me. and my sis in the army was there and she and my aunt went to the mall at 4am to get clothes with her discount in a go kart but they came back cause they couldnt get in. then randall had his hand on my head and said, "it's you, i choose you" but when i woke up i told randall i had a bad dream about him. weird

ok, ive got a show on sunday and an order due on fri. time to work

i had nothing better to do @2:25 PM

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

two of the cutest guys i know are my tattoo artist and my piercer. im so lucky. the pic of the tattoo artist is actually in the about me section under tattoos, then click on "a man".

my throat hurts. im sick. not good. i just finsihed my catalog which is darned good for me but it could still be better. i want this to be like, "the man" good. corporate america good. thieves-of-individuality good.

i like making myself laugh. im going through pics to see what i shuold scan and i found some of me in a paper gown at the gyno's office. i've got like the big thumbs up going on. i guess cause im about to "get lucky" haha!! whatever.

these are ones that i like to look at. i think im funnie. im glad i have fun and im not serious like people that have heartattacks and jobs.

i had nothing better to do @11:24 PM

this is the best picture ever. we passed this truck sunday night going to the concert and i took it as we passed. i think my flash scared the driver but i had to have it.

i had nothing better to do @6:50 PM

im wearing my stretchy yoga pants cause i couldnt get the button on my jeans. big girl.

im getting frustrated. over the weekend i talked to like 3 girls who are all engaged and are like, "are you guys getting married?!" no. and others are like, "why dont you just live with him? you shouldnt sleep in your car" "why dont you get married?" "are you guys engaged yet?" people are really getting to me and im starting to just not want marriage at all. screw that. it's starting to not make sense to wait so long for someone who at times doesnt even know if he wants to date you.

im making a drop off of orders today and then i need to run to the bank and one hour photo but randall decided to go last min so he's in the shower. i have to get my catalog together soon.

The Ring is still in my head. yesterday when randall was at work it took almost and hour to go into the other room cause there was no light in there and i was putting it off. right before i go to sleep it's what i think of. when i see a tv or monitor its what i think of. when i see a sugar maple or a red bush it's what i think of. (good thing there are lots here) i dont know if satisfying my curiosity about the plot was worth this. every shadow or 4 ft thing makes me jump. its starting to really suck.

i had nothing better to do @11:45 AM

Monday, November 11, 2002

just got back from PA from a concert in lancaster. the tolls out there are crazy. we quickly ran out of cash and i had to write a check to the guy for like 3 bucks. going to another concert tomorrow night. slept half naked in my car at a gas station. it was a nice weekend.

i had nothing better to do @2:20 PM

Saturday, November 09, 2002

how i know im allergic to people:
after using public toilets, the backs of my thighs are itchy.

i had nothing better to do @1:42 AM

oh my goodness. The Ring is such a scary movie. i am not sleeping alone tonight. seriously.

i had nothing better to do @12:56 AM

Thursday, November 07, 2002

lots to do. Yankee Candle's senior designer asked to see my catalog... um, im now making a catalog.

i was gonna surprise randall by driving out to PA to see embodyment and stavesaker but i went ahead and told him since it would be hard to drive out 6 hours without telling him what was going on. he's really excited now and that's cool cause i know he really wants to see them and we both love road trips. the only thing is that he's thinking of inviting someone else to come so that would totally change the weekend. he has to meet with this guy and i dont see how they can do it with me there unless i just sit back like a third wheel for the 12 hours we're driving. oh well. scratch the cool just me and him thing and make it me in the backseat getting carsick as they talk about the bachelor party. put a frown on my face and you've got it. im such an irrational person sometimes. and jealous. but i like to think of it as "passionate"; that's what i am. and intense.

ive been such a good girl. in one sitting i made 4 things. i wish i had a studio instead of my boyfriend's floor with the computer, tv, fridge.....all those distractions. mmmm, chili.

i had nothing better to do @11:19 PM

this is where i work:

i had nothing better to do @12:53 AM

now im going to list all the wierd places i have moles:

no im not. sleeping in my car gets better every night. i no longer fear being towed away or even care about people on the sidewalk peering in my windows. and last night i took a hot pad thing with me and it was amazing... Gene (teddy bear) and i thoroughly enjoyed the extra warmth and didnt wake up til morning. however i still wake up with some part of my body aching. sometimes it's my knees from being in fetal all night long and others my neck but when i think about how awesome a story this will make one day, it's kinda cool. like the way jewel lived in her car once.

this is my butt. watch out... beep beep beep! i should stop procrastinating my work now

i had nothing better to do @12:31 AM

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

i just got a credit card bill with a balance of $0.03. am i supposed to write a check for 3 cents?!

i had nothing better to do @2:47 PM

for those of you that pray,
i need guidance in my relationship with randall. i want to do His will and i pray that randall and i will know 100% what that is for us.
my finances are such that im not even looking at my bills right now. i need to not be lazy and use the gifts God has given me to fix what my own hand has done. i want to be free of these debts.
i am contacting BIG companies trying to get one to carry my pieces. i know God wants me to create and i want to be blessed in this so that i may bless others. ask for favor upon my work.
i want everyone in my family to be lifted up by God and know that they arent alone whether a parent is dying, a long term relationship just ended, or they're stationed to go to Iraq next. i pray they have not just happiness but true joy and peace.
i need better self-esteem. my insecurity causes me to be jealous and lack confidence even in the things God wills me to do.
i want to seek God fully in all i do.

so that's my list right now. i pray and pray for these but it's awesome to have others do it also; plus, if my heart isnt right with God right now, i may pray with the wrong intentions. if you help me out with this, thank you VERY much and God bless you on this day =)

i had nothing better to do @12:10 AM

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

you can see part of randall's new tattoo at his site, which he barely writes in. he's had 9 hours done and the pic was from when he had 6 hours done on it. he still has another 6 to go.

i had nothing better to do @11:22 PM

that's it. im ready to be rich. now let's look at the game plan:

be discovered as this gorgeous model and all i have to do is let people take pics of me
start selling my stuff for hundreds of dollars a piece
win the lottery
marry a rich man

im gonna start with number two since right now no one's really looking for a model with my measurements. i gotta get back in shape first. i was 34-24-34 when i met randall and now im like 34-28-38 or something just as disturbing. seriously, half of my shoes dont fit anymore. i can wear stretchy pants, once-baggy pants and randall's pants. i need to excercise. yuck.

i had nothing better to do @9:53 PM

i forgot to vote!!! crap! i hope a lot of democrats win.

i had nothing better to do @6:57 PM

ok. it's confession time. i was looking at cd's trying to decide on Abba Gold Collection or Jimmy Eat World and there was no one else in the aisle so i tooted. then i realize that although it was not audible, people were gonna know. so i start slowly walking away when this guy blocks off the aisle. so i pretend like im walking the other direction and actually walking in towards it and not away like im not the one that did it. but by this time the cloud was pretty big and i was in the middle no matter where i stood so i think i'll walk away but then a family with a cart comes and blocks me off. maybe they'll think the guy did it. and it STILL had not gone away by this point; i think it was following me. during this time i walked up and down the aisle three times just trying to escape while passing many innocent victims. i will never toot in public again unless im by and old man.

im so freaking emotional today!! i saw a girl wave to the bus driver as she walked up her driveway to her mom and i started to cry. some song came on and i started to cry. my hair is too wavy cause i braided it yesterday and i started crying but that time turned into a long one cause then my makeup made me cry and then my underwear made me cry and poor poor randall was just trying to make me feel better as i lamented my ugliness. this is not PMS. PMS is not 3 weeks long.

i eneded up getting Jimmy Eat World cause that one popular song made me not cry as much as i was driving today. i also got a heating pad, 6 ice cube trays, a cross, and things to make little bags with. ive just invented the best thing in the world and i needed some kind of packaging. i want to take them around and sell them and one day not be in so much debt. ok, time to eat pumpkin pie and read a fitness magazine i bought.

i had nothing better to do @6:46 PM

Monday, November 04, 2002

not just anyone will hire you when your tongue and nostril are pierced and there's a flaming dove on the back of your neck. and my grandmother warned me of this but im happy with my body mods. extremely. besides, im college-educated, bilingual, creative, exotic, computer literate, and responsible; im like the perfect employee.

ive been pretty serious lately so here's a funnie story (you may want to go to the bathroom first):
so im sleeping in my car, parked on the side of a road when there's this really loud rumbling noise around 8am. it sounds like a huge truck doing something; it sounds like a tow truck!! "oh shit!" im in the front seat under a mass of blankets (below freezing) so i start digging my way to the top to see what's going on. i think i feel the front end of the car lifting... oh no! have they towed cars with people inside before? is it illegal to sleep in your car?? i dont know!! there's this big white truck and im just peering out to see if there's a man hooking me onto it. of course after a few moments of panic the white truck drives away. it was a city maintenance truck working on lights. thus ends today's adventures of Homeless Girl. stay tuned tomorrow for How Homeless Girl is gonna pay her rent (car payment) seeing as she's also Unemployed Girl. oh i cant wait!!

i had nothing better to do @6:48 PM

i love randall. i love God. but i must choose God over randall. if i can have randall and still be in God's will, that would be really awesome. so im being firm and really trying to do what's right. i dont know what randall will choose, but he already knows what i want. and if we act within God's will then the end result will only be the best for us both.

i went out and prayed and read the bible. i need that focus. and then i bought makeup, clothes, a purse, lotion and almost shoes but couldnt decide between clogs and tennis shoes. i need that encouragement. hee hee.

i had nothing better to do @5:28 PM

my thighs hurt. my knees, too. if you sleep in a car, stick to the back seat. the last thing you want are seat belt things digging in to you and a steering wheel you bang your knees on.

i had nothing better to do @10:37 AM

Saturday, November 02, 2002

no one can make you cry like a boyfriend can.

i had nothing better to do @7:59 PM

i got two emails from two guys i met last night. score! haha! today went well, i sold two pieces and got a special order that i'll drop off on tuesday. business is getting a start considering how much more i should be doing. ive got half my carpayment so far....eeps! a lot of people commented on my outfit today that i made and this couple even let me cut in line at walmart which was cool cause i didnt even ask. today was an exceptionally good day. driving home there was a magnificent sunset on the skyline and there were a bunch of blimps hovering over campus for the game. God is the best creator ever. what i do is so small and stupid compared to His works. im happy. im gonna make something now. things just get so awesome when you pray for them. and when your stupid period finally starts and your boyfriend is nice, makes you tea, and rubs your back and belly. i dont have a hotpad thing so he put a flannel sheet over my tummy and blew on it so it was really hot. THAT is love.

i had nothing better to do @6:18 PM

just got in from a party. was really fun! i meant a few awesome guys but not any girls. i think girls dont like me.

i had nothing better to do @12:41 AM

Friday, November 01, 2002

i wish that when we were on our pieriods that we'd emmit this hormone that would cause guys around us to be really sensitive and rub our backs, put hot pads on our tummies and make us hot tea. dear uterus fairy, if you're out there.... you've been horrid to us and you OWE us. grant me this wish.

i had nothing better to do @5:44 PM