i havent brushed my teeth in two days!! ugh, im gonna clean then do some charcoal sketches. being at home sucks. i had nothing better to do @8:22 PM
i dont ever see randall. he works 70 hours a week and does 20 hours at church. i miss him. now im sad. poo. im stuck in this small town with all these high schoolers that dye their hair blonde and tan year round. they all get cars on their 16th b-days and never wear anything but abercrombie or tommy. im the opposite of all of them. im a light skinned mexican wearing Salvation Army and handmade stuff. i have never owned a car and hate britteney spears. this is all. my sis wanted me to drink this with her and now im not sure if im making sense i had nothing better to do @8:13 PM
my room is so messed up. half my furniture is going to the Goodwill or storage and ive got clothes and school notes dating back to the 9th grade all over the floor and my bed. moving has ceased to be fun. all day im getting yelled at to paint or pack so i lock my door like im in there cleaning but just stay in bed. i sleep like 12 hours then wake up to shop with graduation money, come home to be yelled at to clean, watch hours of tv then sleep again. i had nothing better to do @7:55 PM
Monday, June 17, 2002
ok, so i graduated and nothing was bombed or anything. hooray. so now i have no school and no job and im just sitting here in my underwear deciding whether i shuold get another tattoo or pay off some debt with my graduation money.
went to a concert last night but played footbag the whole time. friday night i had 5 nightmares in a row. i kept trying to fly away and by the last one my arms were so sore and i dropped my bible. when i woke up my arms were really sore. i called randall and cried. im a baby. so one of my graduation gifts was a really soft teddy bear that said sweet dreams. each of the dreams was one of my fears in real life. i havent slept with the lights off all week. and that's it. im tired. gotta go buy health insurance today.
i had nothing better to do @10:18 AM
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
i cant think. nor do i want to. im sitting here reading Jen-X Jenny McCarthy's open book it's her autobiography, yeah. that is all. im tired. im now a college graduate. blah blah blah. i started waxing my legs last night since it's been like a month since ive shaved (longest ive gone is 3 months last fall) but my ex called and distracted me. he misses me, but they all do. satuday night we went to some party with a bunch of guys to see the fight. tyson's a butthole so i just watched harry potter with the kids who halfway through INSISTED on running notes to randall in the other room reading:
will you marry her??
cirlce YES or NO
those cuties. now i look desperate.
i had nothing better to do @2:40 PM
i went to bed, turned out the lights and within 5 minutes i was in a ball completely under the covers. so i turned the tv on and slept like that til it was light outside. i dont like sleeping alone in the dark. i stodd in line for 3 hours yesterday just to get tickets for my family for graduation. my sis from germany comes in today. spoke to an artist and she told me all about schooling her lifestyle and all and encouraged me to go for it. two guys said i was pretty yesterday and then a guy complimented me on my english. i just smile in the face of that kind of ignorance. i was born here, what the hell would i be speaking? ive been packing and moving. i'll be in another town for a couple months then who knows where. gotta get a job, an apt, and a school picked out i had nothing better to do @2:17 PM
Saturday, June 08, 2002
randall's been wiritng in his blog more, yeah! today i went shopping. bought two pairs of sandals, a cup, two pairs of jeans, 2 tank tops, a little girl's size 12 halter top that's too big (how sad) and picked up soem pics before getting another 6 in from subway, mmm..... i havent showered in 3 days. that is all i had nothing better to do @12:58 PM
Friday, June 07, 2002
randall just got 7 stitches. he got cut with a blade at work. and i got into UC, but not fashion- fine arts. what to do... i had nothing better to do @8:29 PM
ever seen an eviction notice? i have. yikes! im officially homeless! im going home to mommy and daddy tomorrow. they'll be here for another month or two and after that....who knows where i'll live. i had nothing better to do @5:28 PM
when i was like 6 yrs old i used to get up every weekday morning at dawn. those days my dad would go to work early to meet my grandfather for breakfast at McDonald's and for a while they were running a special that you could get a mechanical pencil with every breakfast sandwich. They always gave me theirs; they were Papermate's Sharpwriters. I just found one at work and that's what it made me think of- those mornings when i lived in Ft. Worth.
everyone gets bugbites so when i first saw the two red spots i thought a couple had squeezed through the window screen one night for dinner, until i thought a little more about it. there are TWO marks the width apart that a vampire's teeth would be. Have i been bitten?? and what kind of sick vampire is now biting on the butt instead of the neck? just in case, i need to warn everyone to stay away from me at night.... and cover your butts in garlic.
i had nothing better to do @11:43 AM
Thursday, June 06, 2002
ok, i passed my classes. as long as nothing freaky happens between now and next frieday im gonna graduate. im so tired. i think im sad. i went to cvs and just wanted to buy stuff. got a Jane magazine, lotion, and a card for randall; it's our 9mo. anniversary. the week after i graduate im going to texas to see my family and sick grandma. then i go to denver. then NYC or cincinnati to start looking at apts. i just want to sleep. i dont feel like being awake and doing stuff. maybe it's the rain. i had nothing better to do @5:38 PM
Wednesday, June 05, 2002
my wise saying of the day:
Egotistical is the flower whose petals are too big for the stem,
eventually it will break.
if anyone knows where i can get a job writing fortunes for cookies, please let me know.
having nothing to do got boring about 2 hours after i entered "freedom". freedom is really just another prison of the self and i am here. but not for long, im gonna visit Mr Vending Machine; he puts out. haha! uh-oh. i think im going crazy.... nah. im gonna go eat my vending machine feast now and hope the last 4 hours of work go by quickly
i had nothing better to do @5:09 PM
now that i have no homework, here's what i want to do:
1. clothes from thrift store (not cause it's the "in" thing to do but im seriously poor)
2. finish book Proof: how i know God exists
3. fnish quilts i started and just abandoned
4. make 3 skirts for the summer
5. pack half my things and move them to storage
6. get a real job
7. start looking at apts in NY and cincinnati
8. man hunt oops, hee-hee...
9. get a new layout and put my old stuff back up
10. find out how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop.
i had nothing better to do @2:50 PM
i just turned in my (hopefully) last assignment ever!! whoo-hooo! i should be ok. even if a get a 50% on it i'll still graduate next week, yeah! now it's time to let my brain turn to mush and think about absolutely NOTHING. i had nothing better to do @1:53 PM
Tuesday, June 04, 2002
get that camera out of my face, randall!!!
i had nothing better to do @3:40 PM
im a democrat and all, but i thought id still say it:
George W. Bush
President of the United States
President George W. Bush will deliver the commencement address during Spring Commencement on June 14, 2002.
man, the pressure is REALLY on to do well and graduate now....
i had nothing better to do @3:21 PM
im turning in an 8 page paper today that im finishing right now then i start my second that's due tomorrow. in 9 days i will gradaute and have a degree. that's crazy. im actually sitting here in a lab with no makeup, the clothes i wore yesterday (and then slept in), my hair all messy, and with unbrushed teeth (i got gum) but thats ok cause in 24 hours i will no longer have any assignments to do EVER for this university.
it was raining really hard this morning and the thunder made me scream then hide under the covers. then half asleep i looked to the bathroom and though the washcloth on the sink paired with the lighting looked like a weird little girl in white so i screamed again. im such a baby. i had a really long dream but all i remember now is some girl trying to prove to randall that i like girls and she was trying to get me to hold her hand. ok. ive got two pages left and im done with this paper.
i had nothing better to do @8:47 AM
Monday, June 03, 2002
i learned a lot at church today- both services. during a call i stood to be prayed for and then again for one on one prayer. i really want to be rid of this bad habit. it felt like it was going to consume and destroy me. this lady prayed for me and she said a lot of stuff i really needed. like that sin couldnt cause it's already been defeated by Jesus and that this week would be great. also, that this wouldnt be a struggle because my desire for God would be stronger than the desire for this sin. she asked that i see myself as God sees me- pure and holy, redeemed by Christ. also tonight a friend of randall and me became a Christian tonight. and i worshiped. i just now got in and it's 12:12am. sundays are the best days of the week. i even got a mood ring with a dolphin from a gas station. i had nothing better to do @12:13 AM
Sunday, June 02, 2002
it's 2:49 in the morning and i just got in. im in a black corset, a tight black miniskirt, black lace thong and garter belt, and black fishnet thigh highs with knee high boots. we went to the rocky horror picture show midnight showing. it was fun. we got up and did the time warp, i saw three girls kiss with tongue and with their hands on each other, i saw a guy put a condom on a dildo with only his mouth, i saw 4 girls thake their shirts off in front of a whole audience and i saw one of the only guys i have ever been attracted to. when we first walked in there was a guy sitting by the door and he looked me up and smiled. i think i was staring but man he was cute. dark skinned dark hair- i think he was of some asian decent and black makeup all around his eyes. MAN. i looked at him and smiled and he smiled back and looked me up again. in the theatre randall was like, man that guy was into you!! later when the show starts he runs up to the front and starts dancing like a stripper. he was ROCKY!! i usually have to know a person to be attracted to them, but he was like the first exception to my " i have to know him before i'm even sexually attracted to him" trend. but he was kinda feminine and i actually thought he was gay at first, but mmmmmmmm........ this is the first time i think i feel like a man. haha!
anyway, i spent all day with randall cleaning the yard for my mom which is cool cause i like that my parents see how cool and helpful randall is. so considerate. ok. i have to go to sleep now. slipping out of this TIGHT corset will take some work.
i had nothing better to do @3:03 AM
Saturday, June 01, 2002
i went to sleep at 7am. went out for pizza, wings and potato skins at 3am. that place i got the clothes at i got at 2am and then we saw a friend at 4am. holy monkies im tired. and then i just woke up from this dream where i was on this bus with gennie and some guy and we were talking about school and class rankings and we got down at this big mall. oh my goodness! i was sleeping with this afghan (not the man, the crocheted blanket!!) and you know how they're all holey? well,because of that i also had a dream i had bought this whole body fishnet stocking. ha! during the night i was like slipping fingers and toes through the afhgan's design all night and that made me feel like i was wearing large design fishnets. ok, im really tired. i had nothing better to do @12:10 PM
im going to see rocky horror picture show! i went to this store at 2am and bought a corset, garter, thong, and thigh highs all black just for it. hahahaha!! this is gonna be soo much fun! randall's never seen it so im gonna dress him up as "brad". i had nothing better to do @4:22 AM